Hi. My name is Brandon. I am writing this post to share something that is pretty common sense, but has helped me out immensely in my reboot, and has changed my life. I say this not to give a success story, (lest the post be moved), but rather tell of the success of this method of operation and how it’s changed my life, and helped me be free from this monster of masturbation and pornography. I once meditated, trying to get out of myself, but it only worked so far. The reward was temporary, and once when I was about a week or so free, (which at the time was MAJOR for me), my mother happened to walk into the living room, taking a peek at me to see if I was doing the usual, (which was masturbating to pornography), and her doing such totally shattered my hope, and I felt discouraged, and went back into the same ol’ habits. For a long time I tried many things, including wearing shorts under my pants, wearing 2 pairs of sweatpants, putting the laptop a step up from where it is usually in the living room to a bit higher so people could see what I was doing, using a filter/blocker, etc. You name it I tried it and it didn’t solve my problem, neither give me the progress I was hoping for. What I learned from being free for so long, as many free, or have experienced freedom can agree, is that I now have a changed mindset, a new outlook on life, and behave differently. From what I’ve learned I’ll say this: It’s not necessarily about 7 days, or 30 days, or even 90, but steady progress, for even after hitting any one of those points one may achieve their goal, yet fight 99x more just to reach it, feeling more and more like a failure each time. Knowing what I know now: Here’s what I would tell myself. “Keep applying yourself with steady progress, but do not imagine yourself impervious to error, or victorious in every battle. In fact, it is safest to prepare your heart that you will make errors as you move ahead. Errors are inevitable, and a vital part of learning. So, do not presume to be right in every circumstance; rather wait for those who are further along in their life path to counsel you when you are moving into new territory. In that way, your progress will be secure and orderly.” "Also, do not be overly discouraged with your failures, bro. Do not be too hard on yourself. You are moving along at a steady pace and that’s the best you can do. What it’s all about is steady progress, perseverance, dedication, and denying yourself those things that you know you shouldn’t be involved in. "So many become easily discouraged when they don't make the mark they have envisioned for themselves in the time frame they had in mind. The truth is, it takes time to hit the mark and it cannot be rushed. Rather, it takes steady plowing and getting up whenever you fall. Not with a condemnatory attitude about yourself, but one of reality: “I am still learning. It's ok to make mistakes, this is how I learn.” As long as you don't continue to make those same mistakes over and over again, this is progress and you should be pleased with it. Yes, a bit of a success story, but here’s something I would recommend, that I have done, and do, which helps me learn. I have written down my failures and successes that I could better be prepared for the battle ahead, learning about myself, being more aware of the consequences of my actions, and through persevering through trials, seeing myself change and doing better I have more hope for the future, and wouldn’t want to throw it away for a cheap thrill. So, I encourage you, you without journals to make a journal, and try and think on the bright side when you read your post. And for you with journals, to analyze what your thinking at the time was, how you were feeling, and what you did while trying to gain knowledge from it, that you know better next time, and do better. It’s surprisingly simple, but in actually putting the work in, over months and months I experienced a total turn around. Here’s a sample story, (which is heavily based off what I’ve personally done), that I hope you read and learn from, for I’m sure everyone here can relate from it. Sample story: “There was a kid named Ronald. He was 17. He was a senior in high-shool, and had bad grades. He got a ride home from his friend Churner who lived in the same neighborhood as him. They talked about whatever like usual and finally got to the neighborhood. Ronald was taken to Churner’s house because Ronald lived on the 3rd floor, and Churner lived on the 1st, so it was convenient. Churner said, “hey man, the game is on. Want to come on in and watch it with me?” Ronald responded, “nah man. I’m good. Maybe some other time.” He felt the urge to go in, but chose not to. Ronald went home, where he lived with his mom, and got himself acquainted and situated. He put his P.E. bag down, the one with all his dirty clothes in it, and went to his room. His mom left and went to the store to get groceries. Home-alone had spelt trouble for Ronald for years, because of his tendency to watch pornography and masturbate to it. He had been on the straight and narrow for months, and had resolved in himself to make a change. He went from the room to the living room, and sat down at the table. Home-alone, like someone turning on the TV after having come home from a long day of work and being flooded with a bunch of images and suggestions, he was flooded in his mind with a bunch of racy thoughts, ones that were sexual, and had suggestive language attached. He tried to fight it with willpower, but that broke like a man trying to lift heavy weights being able to hold it up for a while, but having it lower on his neck like a guillotine in the gym. Ronald was unprepared, for he hadn’t learned from his mistakes, neither properly educated himself, and was slipping fast, and needed to get out of there, and quick! Birds were chirping outside. He remembered nature for a second, the walks that he had taken to take the load off in the past, and how calm they were. Outside appealed to him, and it was captivating to him at the time. He also remembered his friend Churner, and how the game was on, and how he could have gone there instead .. but chose not to. Nevertheless, he slipped back into old habits, and like a wide receiver running their route to catch a football he ran into his mother’s room to get the laptop and slip back into the old ‘high:’ pornography. Going into his mother’s room he found the laptop, but the laptop was dead. He looked for the charger but couldn’t find it. He then went into his brother’s room nearby. He found his brother’s laptop, but because the Wifi was off, it didn’t have internet. He took the laptop and went into the living room, hooked up the ethernet and watched pornography. He knew his mom could come home at any moment, so he locked the door and was ready to exit as fast as he knew how. He had opened 40 tabs, hoping for the best scene to be found, for at that point he only wanted what he deemed ‘worthy’ of his time. He had so many tabs open he crashed the browser, and the computer had to be shut off. He turned the computer back on and did it all over again, starting from scratch, going from memory. He went back to a familiar scene and PMO’d, not caring about the consequences. In his conscience he heard, “Doesn't this person have a name? Aren't they someone's daughter? Couldn't they even be someone's wife, and have kids?" Nevertheless, in his pride, he went ahead and ruined himself, his day, and even more his life. Afterwards he felt regret, for even while doing it he knew he shouldn’t have, and shame, for he felt like he was less of a man before he even started, and even knew the consequences, but only lived for that present moment, foolish as could be. Eventually, his mother came home, having gone out to get groceries. While shamed, full of regret, and panic, he made his mother wait at the door, she knocking the door, and ringing the doorbell, while he ‘cleaned himself up.’ He then hurriedly put a hoodie over his head, unlocked the door, and let her in. He helped her with the groceries awkwardly and avoided eye-contact. It was a day before Christmas, and even when his mother took him to the store to get new clothes he felt worthless, and that he wasn’t worthy of any reward. His christmas was a bitter one, and he ruined it with his foolishness.” Listen, like people are in the gym and lift weights and gain muscle I have gained much wisdom, mental muscle, and insight from going over and over through things like a football player game-tape, or a police officer film to gain new evidence, and I’ve become more sharper in my actions, and wiser in my decisions so that I don’t damage myself so much as I have in the past. Think about it, those who have success and succeed think different, so why not cut out the nonsense (like the vain, worthless things I used to do) and go to the heart of the matter, the mind, and change how you think? Doing this helps out one’s self, in that they’d think more properly, feel more positively, and do better, and even be more capable of helping others with their problems, for you can’t teach what you don’t know, and you can’t give what you don’t have. Try it, pick out a chunk of the text between the commas, or a sentence, (or something from your own, or someone else’s journal), for example: - "He put his P.E. bag down, the one with all his dirty clothes in it, and went to his room." - "He had so many tabs open he crashed the browser," - while he ‘cleaned himself up.’ then look at the question, and answer: 1) If I’ve did, (and/or when I’ve done) the same, what was the consequence? Now, knowing better, what I gain from doing the opposite? 2) What can I learn from this? Now, knowing better, how can I do better? 3) How does this relate to me? Also, when could this occur in my life? 4) Who in my life, and how could the future be affected if I did (this) Try it out bros. Tell me what you think!
