a new member

So I just joined nofap yesterday, i am 22 years old and i am fighting a very bad addiction to adult content. I have known that i have had a problem for a very long time but have tricked myself into thinking that i can learn to control it and live with it, boy was i wrong. To give you some background about myself and my problem i was first introduced to adult content via video clips on the internet at a very young age, I was in the third grade and had spent the night at a friends house, he had said he had something to show me after it had gotten late, he then introduced me to my first ever porn video, altho at the time i didn't really know what the two girls were doing to each other but i did know that i liked it. since then i have been struggling with an addiction that has been growing, when i was young i use to just think that it was a normal or natural form of exploration, as i got into my teens i just told myself that it was the hormones and that i was just a very horny teen that wasn't getting any, as i got older and began to " get some" the urges just got worse so then i decided that i was a "satyriasis" which is the male version of a nympho, i used this excuse to self assure myself that what i was doing was ok, and that i was just a very sexual person who could learn to control the urges and impulses so that i could enjoy my adult material and still go on with daily activities. For a while this worked until i ended up spending more and more time online looking at adult content, video chatting, looking through Craigslist, going to adult bookstores etc.. it turned from " i'll just rub one out this morning so i'm not horny during the day" to spending 4-5 hours on my laptop looking at adult material fapping 3 to 5 times a day and still not being satisfied, wasting my days and nights, i found myself thinking that i would rather be at home looking at adult material than being out with friends or family doing things that i use to really enjoy. When i was still working there were times that i would become aroused by something or someone and would feel the need to go into the bathroom to view adult content and please myself just so i could try to refocus on my job. I no longer have the drive or motivation that i use to, i no longer find passion or pleasure in things that use to be my passion, things that i loved to to more than anything would no longer bring me joy or happiness. I have always been a person who tries to better themselves and tries to improve themselves, over the years i have not been happy with who i am and every time i try to change for the better the one thing that i hate the most about myself that comes to mind is my addiction to adult content. I have forgotten what it feels like to be happy with oneself, I feel no joy or happiness over myself, things that i have done, i have not been able to look at myself in the mirror and say to myself " I am proud of the man that i am" in many years and that is a feeling that i would really enjoy having again. I know this is going to be a long and difficult road but i also know that it will be worth every bit of the struggle. I decided yesterday after a trip to the adult bookstore and a encounter with someone there that i needed serious help and i needed to finally kick this habit, I will not lie i am a very prideful person, i know that i can not do this alone but i also have not been able to seek help, i have always been afraid that people would look at me differently and not respect me in the same manner that they have before. After my experience in the bookstore yesterday i started to google addiction help sites before i was even out of their parking lot, finding this site where i can get the help i need and be able to get it anon was great, i joined the site, downloaded the emergency app to my phone and proceeded to delete all of my adult content, i even went as far as downloading a program called cold turkey which blocks sites from your browser for predetermined amounts of time. I have had to use the emergency app 4 times since downloading yesterday, the only reason i am here typing this thread is because of the app, i type this out once and my laptop crashed, none of it was saved and i didn't want to type it all out again, i decided instead i'll just get on my phone and surf some sites, as i grabbed my phone i realized what i was really about to do and went to the nofap app instead, after 6-8 emergency posts i put my phone down and pulled this page back up to finish typing this thread, i am happy to say that as i type this thread i have been 24 hours adult content free, it may not seem like much but it is the first and hardest step to coming clean. I am no stranger to addiction, i have had very close family members fight alcohol additions, crack addictions and coke addictions, I always told myself that i was stronger than that and it would never happen to me, I have realized that i may be stronger than the drugs that many of my family members use to struggle with but i am not stronger than this, at least not yet, one day i will be and one day i will re-read this thread thinking of how many more years i've added to my 24 hours. I know it will be a long and hard road but the reward at the end will be worth it, i look forward to the day i finally can look at myself and actually like who i am and be able to be happy again. If anyone has any tips or suggestions of things that helped them i would appreciate it, i am also more than happy to answer any questions at all. Thank you for taking the time to read this and i wish you the best of luck in your own personal battle for freedom. If you are having a struggle reach out, find support, i like to think of a bible verse that has always helped me Psalms 23:4 "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." for me that means I may walk through the valley of temptation and may face the evils and temptation of adult content but i can see the light at the end and it is bright, I focus on the light and don't look into the dark.