A married guy's story

Hey guys,

I started when I was maybe in 5th grade. I'm 31 now. Never stopped with PMO. I was always in a relationship with a girl since I was 17. After a handful of girlfriends, I've been married for the last 2 years.

My addiction to P definitely has taken a toll on the intimate side of my marriage. I'm always making excuses or too tired to make love to my wife. Which of course affects her self-esteem, feeling like I'm no longer attracted to her.

My addiction to P led me to to have an affair. Although short lived, I learned I didn't want to sneak around town anymore. So instead, feeling it'd be smarter if I was to do it in a discreet manner, I transitioned into paying for it. My addiction to P made me want to live out my fantasies of threesomes, with girls of all shapes, sizes, races, nuru massges, etc. etc. And I did. And I did it often. Meanwhile, I'm this unassuming married guy, making a decent living, seemingly doing well to all my family and friends. However, I'm living with this terrible secret.

I calmed down a bit with these activities recently, but I tried to rationalize that if I can at least just stick to PM, I'll lessen my chance of getting caught by my wife or getting arrested. I'd be saving money and also not putting myself at risk for STI's, etc.

But now after reading about P addiction and it's long-term effects, I realize it was the PM that most likely planted these seeds that would eventually drive this hypersexual compulsive behavior to begin with. I realize now that I've been using PMO, and all the other behaviors I previously mentioned, not just to get that rush of endorphins to my brain, but also subconsciously to cope with my issues with insecurity and poor self-esteem.

The emotional, spiritual, and physical toll of years of PMO has taken on me has been immense. I'm honestly broken. Not nearly the confident, happy, funny guy I used to be. I feel like a total scum bag, morally bankrupt.

The good news is that I'm here. I'm woke. I can't say I'm not going to relapse. But all I know is that I can't keep living like this. I owe it my wife, to the future child we are expecting this year, and to myself.

Thank you to NoFap for all that you do. I appreciate the love and support.

-Rondo