A dilemma of the heart

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Deleted Account, Jun 9, 2019.

  1. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    That has not at all been my experience. I fall in love with a girl and I fall hard. It's not my choice it just happens naturally. How do you choose who you love?
     
  2. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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    It is within your choice to fall or not fall "in love". That is just infatuation; you're idealizing what has not yet happened or will ever happen and the basis is just purely physical attraction. The physical attraction is the easy part for most people.

    You have yet to learn about how she is as a person, her character, her emotions, her philosophy of life, her intellect, her ambitions.
     
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  3. Tao Jones

    Tao Jones Fapstronaut

    As the commenter above points out, I think we may be meaning different things when we say "love." If you go back and re-read my original comment where I talk about love being a choice, I am distinguishing that from the "loving feelings" the OP was mentioning. He was engaged in fantasy regarding this woman who was not his wife, not the hard day-in and day-out sacrificial reality of a real love relationship. Love as I mean it can only be real -- not imaginary -- as it must be chosen and worked out in practical terms for it to even exist at all.

    You can feel attracted to someone, even powerfully, and not love them. And vice versa. Love and attraction really have very little to do with one another, although when the two overlap, it can be quite something! :)
     
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2019
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  4. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut


    I think we have different definitions of the word love yes. If you type in love definition onto google this is what comes up

    "an intense feeling of deep affection."

    This to me isn't something you can control. Sometimes it just happens. Take OP. He took the time out of his day to help his wife friend with her art show out of pure affection. He didn't choose to feel this way. It just happened.

    I'll admit we can control the situations we end up in to reduce the chances of falling in love. But the heart wants what the heart wants. Not much you can do about that I believe
     
  5. Tao Jones

    Tao Jones Fapstronaut

    There is *plenty* you can do about it! :)

    A child wants candy every time he goes to the store. A wise parent seldom gives it to him, because the parent knows what is best.

    The heart may want what it wants, but we -- the adult decision maker -- know when it should not have it, for its own good. Self-denial and self-control are virtues worth cultivating.

    Discipline requires effort. It's not easy, but neither is it impossible. I wish you the best on your journey of discovering this for yourself!
     
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  6. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    I agree with that. Sometimes it's best you use your head and not think with your heart. Over time your feelings may change. That doesn't mean your heart might not ache to have someone in the meantime. You just got to say "no" to your heart if what it wants is bad for it.

    In OP case he loves this woman. He can't control that. But what he can control is weather or not he pursues her. And I hope he doesn't. Adultery is for the scum of this world.
     
  7. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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    Yes, but the heart is foolish.
     
  8. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    I hope OP didn't ruin his marriage.
     
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