Hello bros, I am quite new to this NoFap forum and it happens that some terms, such as PIED and especially PMO have just raised the question regarding to the induction factor for which I need to know if there is anyone relate to my case. The thing is, all through 30 years of my fapping, porn has not been the main factor which triggered my urge and/or led me to jerk off. I mean, roughly about 90% of my faps, I would neither use nor need the porn stuffs as a medium by which I could complete my fap. In fact, most of the times, I would induce myself into my vivid imagination, In other words, whenever I was going to fap off, I would just imagine that I am having sex with any given girl/women, such as the girl I had a crush in my high school, some women in my neighborhood, any attractive women to whom I had just passed acrossed on the street. I can fantasize/ visualize that I am having sex with those women in my imagination so vividly that I could get into orgasm within 5 minutes (sometimes it might be sooner or longer depending on my intention), though I never intended to memorize their faces/body figures in the first place. Just a quick glimpse at those women would usually become my 'resource' for fapping. Apologize for my poor English. I hope you guys understand what I have conveyed above. Thank you.
I have found out recently that my need to fap originated not from the sexual desire per se, but in fact, it has been just a mean to release tension out of my psyche. It would be too long if I told the whole details, so in short I would say that I have had severely 'traumatic childhood' due the evil deeds that my mother had done to me during my childhood ---- even before I was conscious.(I will explain tomorrow what a harmful deed she did to me as well as, if the incident took place before I was conscious, how could I recall it) She was and still is a frivolous mother and worst of all, a gambler. and she still lives near me in my home city (due to some reasons, I had lived with her until I was 30 years old, before decided to leave and rent an apartment to live on my own). The house in which she has been residing up until present, is my father's house, and in fact that house is given to me, not her. You know, my father separated from her and left that house for me and my brothers to live together, not included my mother. Yet my mother is an ignorant and evil woman who is narcissistic, violent, quarrelsome , etc. Not only she refused to leave the house, but she also always brought the trouble into the household. For examples, she would borrow money from the loan-shark gangster, then escaped, and consequently bestowing the debt burden upon me and my brothers. There have been so many bad things she has done to me, most of which was the worst case scenario one could never imagine a mother would do t her own son. So, after the recent soul-searching and intensive self-analysis, I have found out that I am a normal kind of person whose sexual desire is intact, neither excessive or the lack thereof. What I have also found out is as I have written above, i.e. I have been fapping just to release such an extreme negative emotion out of my psyche, otherwise I would be a serial killer like Ted Bundy or Edmund Kemper, seriously. No joke on this matter. Try check this video out, especially at 16:00-21:00, and you would certainly get a profound understanding for my case and alike. As for your second question on 'And why do you feel the need to stop now?', let me reply tomorrow cause now it's midnight in my home city and I felt so sleepy. Thank you bro.
Let me leave tonight with an intrigued quote: 'Jerking off has saved me from being a murderer, yet it has ruined my potential to live successfully'
I'm sorry to hear about your traumatic history. Are you talking to a therapist about that? You know, stopping the masturbation is good for you, but you still got to deal with your mum and the house. Just something to consider.
I'm not sure how many of us there are, but I can tell you you're not alone. Here's my story. I'm linking to previous posts as there is no sense in repeating it all again here: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/introduction-and-my-dark-past.140355/ https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?posts/1130946/ https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?posts/1134435/ I've done some therapy before and it helped some, but it's not the therapist who does the healing but myself. To recover from trauma, I know the things I must do; I'm just too damn afraid to do them.
Its terrible that children, teens and young adults are the most vulnerable demographic. I personally can say that my own life has been messed up because of watching porn and fapping at young age.
To answer the question, stopping porn has been way easier for me than stopping masturbation, so I understand what you're saying. If pmo or just masturbation is a means to escape from trauma, maybe you should look into professional therapy if you haven't already. Not to say this happens with everyone, but a lot of times if an addiction is used as a crutch to escape from reality, once you curb the addiction, the desire to escape from reality will manifest itself in a different way. That's why therapy is great because it allows you to come to terms with what happened in your past.
Hi bro, I can relate you your masturbation story well. I too have masturbated 99% without porn. Also to soothe the pain of my very toxic childhood. But I now believe that masturbation doesn't allow me to heal the abuse I suffered. So I am going to give it shot to stop jerking off and see what happens. Good luck!
