Relapsed. I did not get into NF wholeheartedly and I can still feel the resistence. Not as strong as before, not even close. There are improvements but it's like.. Even if I'm capable of 38 days as in last month I think there will most likely be failure if I'm not clear enough with what I want. I can't hold on to sexualised things and I need to be more conscious of why I feel or react in certain ways so that I don't fall into old patterns again. It's like Gollum "Myyy Preeecciiouuss!!". It's a false sense of security that only eat you from the inside. My mind is too scattered on either multiple problems or shortcuts to small doses of dopamine, almost like ADHD. I will have to sit down and write down every trap I can fall into and how I can think differently in situations. I need to remind myself that it will be painful to leave old patterns and that it's a process that takes time. What activities can I replace destructive patterns with? What can I do that is more healthy/healing for me but still not boring? I know what I have to do. And I know I'm better at talking than doing, who isn't? Self awareness is there but I need to write things down so that I can see it in front of me to understand it. As mentioned before. Addictions are connected like a chains, or like dominoes. One connected to the other. And as I said I must do this wholeheartedly. I can feel from the beginning if I'm going to make it or not. Day 0 is a foundation that has to be solid in order for Nofap to work.
Guys I'm dealing with a pretty bad rebound effect. Resetting to 0. Disappointed in myself but can't waste energy feeling bad. Have to focus on getting over the first few days, then the first couple weeks.
4/90 Really feeling anxious this Saturday morning. I didn't set an alarm but I still woke up at 5 am. I am not going to allow anxiety to be king today and give me a reason to escape. I am returning to the practices that allowed me to go on my longest streak of 67 days that include gratitude, meditation, affirmations, and daily forgiveness (releasing my shame). Waking up at 5 am: Day 3 Cold Shower: Day 4
