75 views, 4 reply's

I'm sorry you're going through this. Have you told him how his porn use and masturbating makes you feel? If not, you should. But, if he's addicted to porn, then the fact you don't like it or even the fact that he may love you is not enough to break the addiction. The addiction has nothing to do with you. You didn't cause it; you can't control it; you can't cure it. If you talk to him and he either denies he has a problem and refuses to stop looking at porn and masturbating or admits he has a problem but isn't willing to do anything about it, then cut your losses and move on. If he's not willing to change, then you have to decide whether you can live with his PMO, and it sounds like you cannot. Good luck and stay true to yourself.

 

If he doesn't think it's an issue, it's never going to change. It's very very hard to break out of this, and that's when there is a lot of motivation to do so. He has to want to change it for himself. Either accept that he's gonna be doing it, or move on. Blue is correct though; it has nothing to do with you. It's not your fault, and you can't fix it for him. It's basically an addiction.

 

Hi Kiki,
It definitely is an issue. And because the change from fapping to nofap was so strong for me, I believe it's affecting society at large. Like many guys, he probably started really young (I'm assuming he's in his 20s?) and hasn't seen a problem with it.

I think porn significantly alters men in their approach to sex. There's a big misconception in popular media that guys are just sexual beasts and can't control their urges. Also we're seen as one-dimensional and emotionally shallow beings. I think the introduction of high-speed internet porn to pubescent boys has fundamentally altered how men perceive sex, and fueled these stereotypes.

For me at least, I know i always wanted to be in a relationship, but didn't understand why I never had one. At a certain level, my ability to empathize (with women especially) was degraded strongly. My brain was wired to a constant influx of sexual stimulation that did not involve another human being; rather a detached, "observational" perspective of others going at it. I taught my brain that sex was something that it entirely wasn't.

When I stopped fapping, something as simple as the need to rate women on the 10 number scale kind of just went away. It probably sounds cheesy, but I desired more personal connections, and started becoming attracted to more women. I wouldn't say that my standards dropped, because a lot of these women were attractive to begin with. I just found it more important to go beyond looks. I also became less attracted to good-looking women who were annoying as people. I think Louis CK said that guys will have sex with a girl even if they hated her. That definitely used to be true for me. Once I quit that stopped.

Anyways, kinda long. That's my perspective. Even quitting masturbation was important for me. If you really feel that porn is hurting your relationship and he can't stop, then you should probably talk to him about it. Maybe he's addicted, and if he's not, just ask him if he can go 1 month without it. If he is going to the hardcore stuff, real-life stimulation becomes much weaker, and it takes more and more to get off. So even if it isn't as hurtful to you, its probably 10x as damaging to his sexuality than just swimsuit babes. It's up to you I guess. This is just my experience.

 

The way your man is thinking is this, He doesn't see himself cheating on you by watching porn. Because the girls on the video are no different than let's say Angelina Jolie doing a nude scene or another famous Hollywood actress. Your man is never going to have those women so it's like a fantasy world or a dream.

The truth is most men watch porn, even where I work men openly talk about their porn collections, some of these guys even trade it and there not young men neither. They are married guys between the ages of 27-33. Personally I believe the men of this generation are doomed, access to high speed internet provides an endless supply of novelty of beautiful girls. Men are biologically created to pro create, the more naked females we look at the better the high we get, sorry to say that but its the truth. One women can not compete with the novelty of porn.

My best advise would be to try and have a conversation with him, If he is constantly soft and needs manual or oral stimulation during sex instead of simple fore play let him know how that makes you feel.

 

Have you shown him this site or yourbrainonporn.com and the TedX talk?
If he watches that and he says he's not addicted, that will be a point of information for you.