7 odd years of learning on NoFap

Day 30.
Happy to be here. I feel a good shift in my mindset and thinking.
1) I don’t deny that there can be physically attractive ‘bait’ in both real life or online, but unlike before this does not impel or compel me to M
2) abstinence has taught me that most of the women who appear as ‘bait’ are bad news in every way for me
3) I’m beginning to see that a healthy relationship for me is founded on a multitude of things that are not related to physical beauty or sexual attractiveness- a pleasant face, an inner glow and a reasonable figure are good enough for me. This is a radical shift from the things that seemed to attract me to women in the past.
4) doing my work, caring for dependents, pursuing my hobbies and interests, connecting with friends- these seem enough to satisfy me these days

I hope this is a permanent shift in mindset. I really don’t want to go back to the hungry ghost yearning for dopamine and craving that pmo addiction had imposed on me.

Some important observations and tips:

1. Pmo addiction seems to be a coping mechanism that is often rooted in childhood trauma
2. The addiction cannot be overcome until the trauma is surfaced and healed
3. That may require a lot of honest but unpleasant reflection on childhood events that most likely needs the help of a good professional psychologist or psychiatrist or therapist
4. Mind and body are connected. Emdr worked well for me.
   
5. Uncovering trauma does not mean blaming anyone. In the interim many negative feelings may surface but once real healing takes one beyond the victim mindset to an agent of change, that anger diminishes
6. Faith in a religious path is useful but imo it alone is not enough. Sometimes an ignorant understanding of faith can be a severe impediment to progress by limiting one’s openness to therapy and other modern wisdom in healing trauma
7. The path of healing is hard. Not easy. In my case it was long too. Seven years or so. So persistence and perseverance are important.
   
8. APs help a lot.
9. In my case getting free of the addiction to pmo simultaneously resulted in seismic shifts regarding how I interact with my family, my relationship to my work and career, to friends and it increased my connection to many new friends and acquaintances
10. I also got interested in many new hobbies or revived old ones that had fallen off.
11. Physical activity and exercise is key.
12. Increasing human connection is key.
13. Emotional self regulation is key.

Tap into various resources. I read a lot of books, used the fortify program for a year, consulted with an addiction specialist for a brief call, got therapy, etc
Good luck and wishing you well dear readers.

 

Could be that. I’m not an expert. This is just my personal viewpoint. I think everyone has some kind of childhood experience that prevents them from being their best self. You can call it trauma or anything else. All the best.