INSIGHTS: 1) Big difference between NO PMO & NO P 2) The Original Relapse DISCIPLINES: 1) Change of diet - Direct relationship between tongue and sexuality 2) Change of sleep - Sleep is the core fundamental routine 3) Meditation - connection to the essence 4) Exercise - regulating dopamine and hormones 5) Win-Hof Method - Cold shower - regulating dopamine and hormones
Thanks for the video! Very well structured and very inspiring! It is a pleasure to be with you in the same accountability group here on NoFap.com! I must say that I have been incorporating four out of five disciplines you mentioned more or less in my daily life. I get up at 4:45-5:00 am every day, I exercise every second day, in between I try to walk or go for a light run, I meditate daily up to 20 minutes (still in the beginner stage), I do cold showers after I exercise (not consistently because I also want to do it gradually), the only thing I'm not introducing drastic changes with is the diet - I avoid fasting as I'm on my journey of healing eating disorder I've been having for years (it emerged rapidly after rape and got stronger and stronger to the point of severe depression and even plans to end up my life - the only thing which has kept me alive is my children, I'm sure of it) so I don't want to restrict food in order to avoid binges. But what I'll do is I'll do sugar detox - baby steps. I also have to be more careful with not overdoing everything to the max as I'm a woman and cold showers are not good during my period as I feel this inner desire to be more gentle with myself and my body and to take it easy during those days so I might do contrast showers or go for lukewarm (instead of ice cold) water. What also works for me is: - social media detox; - digital detox; - writing (gratitude diary daily) - releasing acc to Sedona method in writing also does wonders!; - affirmations and visualisation; - having an accountability partner; - no triggering images, songs etc. (I don' t read romance novels nor watch romance movies during my challenge); - no casual sex, sexting, texting, emailing guys or no new potentially romantic relationships for at least six months in order to cure my love addiction (I've noticed I have a tendency for it); - no alcohol; - no excess caffeine (one cup of coffee max); - proper hydration; - ME time (very important for a single mom); - mindfulness moments during the day (I use MindBell app)
Hey @fleurette I just did a FB live on the topic of love addiction, thought to share some of my insights with you, would be happy to hear your thoughts https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10157213353769048
Thanks! I will definitely watch it and comment - I need to dedicate some time for that. And not because you're a man and I'd love to get some external approval from you on my insightful comments lol - I'm pretty busy these days
lol your funny - You know I think we will always enjoy receiving external validations from another human who confirms our inner awesomeness, as long as our happiness doesn't depend on it - yet I know this is easier said than done if we have the habit of craving it - I have some of that too
Yeah you're right. I watched a very good TED talk by Gabor Mate recently - he touched upon this love addiction thing there saying that he was a 2yr old toddler of a Jewish couple during the time of Nazi occupation and his parents were apparently very stressed then. He got the message then that "they don't want me" which he transposed unconsciously into his adult life and became a workaholic (they don't want me - I don't feel loved - so maybe if they need me I will feel this again). For me the main indicator of my healing is the lessening of the intensity of this toxic loneliness that I get sometimes (which is coupled with many negative beliefs such as I'm not worthy, I'm not interesting, I'm not beautiful, I'm not enough) as well as the lessening of urges to use any of my coping mechanisms in order to fill this inner void (which I do have but it is healing) by binge eating or not eating at all, excessive exercise, PMO etc.
This is what I wanted to communicate in my video but i forgot. I wanted to say that we all share many of these issues. The toxic loneliness you talk about I think is a condition of being a human. We all at some deep level feel lonely because by definition we are separated from our spiritual source and know ourselves to be a mortal creature subject to death. We are scared shitless but only a few of us are able to admit it or aware of it, many others suppress it or are living in such a chaotic state of being they don't have time to notice their loneliness. Then the inner void you talk about - this too I think is a condition of being a human - I don't see that as something that belongs to me only I intuitively know that all human have this because as long as belief to be a person inside a body we will suffer the consequence of feeling lonely and not enough. but again we express this differently. Some of us are more out of control with it. The mucho wife beater's reaction to this inner void is alcohol and anger and abuse. Some other overwork and are obsessed with wealth accumulation, Others like myself like you tend to want to fill the void through different objects (sex, food, etc) I like a quote by Rumi that says "There is a void in your soul ready to be filled. You feel it don't you" Then we have Jesus in the sermon on the mountain who says, "blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven" I have been contemplating these words of Christ, and to me this means, blessed are those people (like us) who have discovered the inner void, the inner loneliness and instead of seeking it outside themselves, are seeking it through the discovery of the Presence of their spiritual source, where kingdom of heaven resides
You nailed it in the last sentence! Thank you I agree that maybe this inner void is universal feeling of being a human but for me it may also stem back to my childhood experiences with a narc dad who was emotionally unavailable or whose emotions were unpredictable and I never heard from him that he loved me - that's why my "inner love bank" was not filled in by then and I carried it to my adult life and married a narc man and had many other destructive relationships with men including rape twice. I think it has some relation to it because I often get the feeling that I don't matter and I'm not <...> (you name it) enough when I'm alone - I think it has to do with my inner child. Anyway, one may heal from this and I'm a living proof
Interesting to hear this because I too have a very similar father like you - I used to always think I wish I had a better childhood/parents but then I realized even if I had the perfect childhood I would still experience some trauma as a result of being raised in an unconscious civilization. I learned this after meeting a friend who had super supportive mom and dad but was abused/wounded by her classmates in school. I can relate to your experience of not feeling enough and self-judgments I think in my experience attending 10 days of silent meditation has been a tremendous help, I still experience loneliness but when I'm deeply into my practice, I seem to less personalize it and I have found a healthy way to be with it, except some days when i'm feeling lonely, depressed and some bad shit happends all 3 at once, lol
Thanks - I think so too. This 10 day silence thing is on my wish list when kids will grow up a bit. My experiences helped me find my own true path
I really appreciate this video. Reminds me that I should really stick to my disciplines... I stopped taking cold showers and I keep looking for excuses to stay stopped... Lol Their was a time when I was taking them every day for about thirty days even though I was active in PMO addiction. I eventually quit because “they weren’t helping”. But the more I discipline my self every area that I can, the better my chances of a successful reboot and general wellness. I’ve been strongly desiring to develop a regular meditation practice. I loved the way you described meditation as a means to connect to your higher self, and as something that brings a sense of pleasure into the rest of your day. That’s really encouraging for me to get with the program! Because recently I’ve been genuinely unhappy and I keep going back to PMO as a means of coping with my general dissatisfaction with life instead of bettering my life.
Great point about 100 percent commitment is easy and 99 is difficult. I couldn't agree more with that. After trying to give up and failing countless times I realise now the difference is this time I'm in it for life, I'm ready to give up porn forever. All the other times there was a part of me that didn't fully want to let it go.
If i was your kid I would truly wish I had a mother had done such deep mental/spiritual operation cause it would affect my entire being so much, so if you really feel a yes and take the steps towards it universe will cooperate with you to make it work. I share this retreat to so many and find the people who get an instant yes to the idea are the ones who get the most from it.
Awesome man happy to hear it resonates. I too have the same feeling about the cold shower and other things. It starts amazing I forget its benefits and lose the routine, but each time I go back, the habit becomes stronger and more natural. one thing that is helpful, is love Win Hofs free video series on his website, if you feel you lost the motivation just watch those, he is super charismatic and it helps me get back into it. Also meditation habit takes some time because to your logical mind it is completely insane to sit and do nothing. Your mind will rebel and freak out, its like horse training. I find listning to audio books such "the science of enlightenment by shinzen young" really helps to put a conceptual model behind the process - so the process will have a deeper meaning. Ultimately once you do this on your own for a while you may want to sing up for a 10-day vipassana silence retreat which is a kind of meditation Bootcamp - it will kick your ass so hard, but once you do it sincerely, you will never be the same after it. In my experience, it has a permanent life-changing effect, but its not for every one. But since you have addictive patterns like me It may be for you
Yes, indeed. For me it's logistics now as I hardly have anyone around who would be willing to look after them for 10 days in a row, even my ex husband or my parents. They get like tired of it after a day or two. I'm not blaming anyone here but I've decided to be grateful for what I have now and work on that and within my possibilities. I am thinking of weekend-long seminar on Sedona method now and I have made meditation my daily practice. What also helped me is the books by Alice Miller, namely, The Drama of the Gifted Child and The Body Never Lies. I highly recommend them to anyone.
Hey - nice tips. I am in th process of building a morning ruitine myself. I journal daily, but what is this: "releasing acc to Sedona method in writing also does wonders!;"
It's Sedona method, there's a book called The Sedona Method by Hale Dwoskin, I read it and I also attended local online courses on that.
