60 days Hard Mode… Realizations so far

You are correct. It's an inconvenient truth, but it's nice that there are some who get it.
For once, I'm proud of myself for sticking with a goal. And if I need a reminder it is, that giving in means starting at day 0. And everything until then has been for nothing. In my case, I haven't given up once.

Once again: thanks for the inspiration!

 

It's a tough post but JimmyParacas is right.
I don't want the happiness in my life to be linked with PMO and ruin the relationship with my familie and my passion, nor do I want to be the fake hero, who escapes aliens from another galaxy, in a pickup, thru downtown LA with maximal collateral damage, while getting bj by the blonde in a shitty Michael Bay movie.

That's just me and it's really not any harder than this. You don't need to have futuristic visions or some cyber-tech bullshit to realize PMO is eating you inside out. By just thinking outside the box, like a third-person view, you'll see how time/energy consuming PMO really is. You're just sitting their, in the illusion of happiness and pleasure - when the real life is out there.

 

I have to agree with Jimmy to a degree. first off, I've read this board quite a bit, but I've just now subscribed. However, as awesome as I think this board is, I get a general feel with many of these posts that it's okay to relapse as long as you get back on your feet and try it again....The problem with this philosophy is that it almost encourages one to relapse. I mean, I've been relapsing like crazy reason and I definitely don't give myself any excuses and I absolutely am extremely hard on myself every time I relapse. When I do relapse this board makes me feel as if it's okay to relapse, and to just try again....

I think if one keeps relapsing, the message should be that it's NOT okay and you are doing something wrong and something needs to change...Now with that said, if one has more time passing from their relapses then the time before, then I think they should be congratulated as I think that's awesome!!! But if that's all you are doing is abstaining from PMO for a few days, then relapsing, then abstaining for a few days, then relapsing again, then I'm sorry there's zero to be happy about......(I'm working on that myself). Jimmy's post woke me up and made me realize that instead of fighting against it, I need to just make some permanent life changes, because without them, the relapses will continue......Basically I need to want it bad enough........
I will say again, congratz to everyone that is making more and more time pass between their relapses........That's really the only sign of progress.......

 

I take your point, but I suggest that your point of view is somewhat narrow. There is more to congratulate than making more and more time pass between their relapses. This is a problem with numerical data. That is why the counter is a tool, not an arbiter of progress. Personal development has to be quantified holistically. For example, a person may need some time to put certain things in place, which may not pay off straight away. this could be mental (e.g. meditating more or rationalising less) or physical (e.g. sleep patterns or exercising). It would be more straight forward to see progress in all or nothing or even linear terms, but addiction recovery seldom looks like the narrow interpretation you have given to it.

Nevertheless, I do not dismiss your point as lacking any merit. Perhaps some members here, are simply not motivated enough or committed enough to make the requisite progress now. But they are still welcome here, with you and I. Perhaps, what they read and observe will stand them in good stead in the future (when they are ready to get out of the rut of relapse/retry every couple of days). Finally, if we simply hand down tough love to people that are struggling, how is that helpful? We all need a helping hand and a kind word when we stumble.

 

I do understand what you are saying, but every single person on this board can quit PMO. Every single person....And YES, they do have it want it bad enough.....The problem is that when I see alot of posts stating that it's okay to relapse, my brain looks at it as an excuse to continue relapsing over and over....So if I feel the urge to PMO, it's okay because I can always try again the next day... When in reality, I should act as if there's a gun taped to my head and that gun is going to go off should I relapse....Honestly, if I think about it, if I did have a gun taped to my head that went off if I relapsed, and I combined it with life changes, I guarantee you I would be free from porn forever!!............Wouldn't that mean that I really wanted it? that I had no choice to quit??? Honestly the more I think about it, I think visualizing a gun taped to your head isn't a bad way to go. Because if you think about it, your life is over, done with if you continue down the road to porn.....Kiss your life goodbye! So you really DON'T have a choice...........I think it's a great motivating metaphor....

(PS. yea I know that people are going to say, well, it's different, because in reality there's not a gun taped to your head). But you can still want it bad enough and visualize that there really was...

 

Well, they just don't want it bad enough. That's their decision/problem. Don't worry about it, instead, focus on helping those you believe will win the challenge.

 

good point Naikolai....and I know that many don't agree with the, "you don't want it bad enough" , but it's true!! It's easier to be in denial then it is to admitting that the desire of "having to want it bad enough" is valid...I'm definitely been abstaining longer and longer myself before relapsing, and when I relapsed, I attribute the relapse to "not wanting it bad enough".....Why do I attribute the relapse to that? Because the desire of wanting to PMO was stronger than the desire to quit! Plain and simple!!! What I need to do is some good old Anthony Robbins neurologist programming and associate more pain with doing PMO then not doing PMO.....I mean if you think about it, at the split second when we initiate a relapse, it's because we suddenly don't care at that moment and the desire of "wanting it bad enough" isn't stronger than the desire to PMO........... So yes, in a nutshell, it does come down to wanting it bad enough.......and I feel confident that I'm growing stronger in that area every day!

 

So, when you see others saying it is okay to relapse, your brain uses it as an excuse to do so again and again. In other words, if you feel the urge to relapse today, it's okay because you can always try again the next day.

Well, the fact that you have identified this so clearly, should mean that you will be able to resist this sort of rationalising when it happens. In the meantime, you can run with your 'motivating metaphor' of gun & tape.

 

IGY, what I'm saying is that when you see so many people failing and relapsing, but then starting clean, it's easy for some to see that and use it as a crutch. I'm in no way saying that this is done consciously, but that this can happen more at a sub-conscious level...... It's hard to explain....

I do think that people(me included)need to take learning NOT to relapse more seriously though. I mean, if you had a cocaine habit, relapsing would mean you are doing additional damage to your brain. Just like Cocaine, relapsing with PMO means you are doing a different type of damage to your brain, but damage nonetheless. I'm starting a new plan of attack and have been basically filling up pages of a notebook every day on different ways to conquer this sick disease.......I'm not going to post anything about what I'm doing until I've gone at least 6 months without PMO though, otherwise it means nothing. We'll see how it goes....

 

I do understand what you are saying. But I think you need to watch your black and white thinking because it can backfire on you! For example, you say: "I'm not going to post anything about what I'm doing until I've gone at least 6 months without PMO though, otherwise it means nothing." You talk in absolutes - anything and nothing - which means that you are pretty hard on yourself and others. You can make that work for you to some extent, but finding a balance does not have to mean compromise.

 

I agree, black and white is no good. Balancing and compromising gives harmony.
What keeps me going is seeing people relapse left and right, and I am slowly getting ahead. I just want to make it further than any of the others, but I try to help everyone as well, and also asking those, who have achieved more, for advice.

 

To true as I journey further into this challenge I stop using no gap so much as other things become more important than NoFap

 

I agree 100%. I realized why it's so hard for me, why I struggle so much. I made it that way.
I'm in a mindset where everything is rough, tough, and painful. When trying to fight through my first week, part of me just wants to give up, part of me keeps going. But that part only goes as far as a little over a week unless the other part kicks in. Have I tried making it happen? Not until now.
It's all in the mind, if you think about it. We make everything. You can think a 10000 piece puzzle is easy, but talking to a girl who is as human as you harder than it really is. So now I finally woke up, got both parts of me to kick in and tackle this.