46 months FLATLINE / PAWS

Hi guys.

I'll make it short and simple for everyone who has been waiting for an update.

PMO from age 13-22. I am 27 now.

I start with month 47 today and I am still in the flatline.

I had PAWS (post acute withdrawal symptoms) - reductions at month 4, 6, 18, 32, 40, 43 and 46. This means that the symptoms became weaker. I have had 3 PAWS reductions this year. I've never had so many in one year. The year is not over yet. Maybe there will be another PAWS reduction Who knows... xD

There's something I don't understand. I have 2 theories for this:

1st theory: Between months 43 and 46 I had 5 MO (masturbation, orgasm) relapses. My last MO relapse was in the 1st week of month 44. Between month 43 - month 46 I had worse flatline/PAWS. I got better and better as the days and weeks went by until my last PAWS reduction in month 46. During that time, it felt like one day I was at month 6, then 3 days later I was at month 12 , then 2 weeks later it felt like I was at month 30, etc. Things gradually got better as time passed and I remained abstinent.

From month 43 - 46 there are 3 months. Within these 3 months I had 5 MO relapses and still I had a PAWS reduction at month 46. Therefore, I believe the 5 MO relapses made my flatline/PAWS worse, but did not increase the duration of my flatline. That was a lesson for me in life. I'm just more convinced now that I have flatline/PAWS and that relapses only make the symptoms worse.

2nd theory: The 5 MO relapses extended the duration of my flatline for 3 months. This makes less sense to me since I still had a reduction in symptoms at month 46.

->

My social anxiety is definitely less severe than during PMO-time. On the other hand, my anhedonia, emotional numbness, low energy, low motivation is still worse than it was during my PMO-time. I still have no motivation to work and I am unemployed.

When I have a wet dream my social anxiety gets worse, but I have more emotions, the anhedonia becomes a little weaker. As the hours go by, I notice that my anhedonia is getting worse again, etc. It takes me about 3 days after a wet dream to get back to my normal flatline level.

I truly believe that everyone can be healed. Only time and abstinence will bring healing. The symptoms just get weaker and weaker until they disappear completely. No matter how long it takes. I will move on and never switch to medication or go back to PMO.

BTW: I tried TRE and was convinced it could help. But I'm now 10000% convinced that TRE won't help. It does absolutely nothing. It's just a waste of time and I gave myself unnecessary false hopes. The effects of the 5 MO Relapses have shown me that only time and abstinence leads to healing.

I will post again when I have the next PAWS reduction or when I am completely healed.

 

Hey man. Thank you. I really hope that the next PAWS reduction will be as short as the last ones.

 

Thank you man. I really hope that for you too.

I had the PAWS reduction at month 43 and 1 week later I had my first MO relapse. I was working at the time and was stressed. In general, I was annoyed that after 3.5 years I was still in the flatline and didn't see any benefits. I looked for answers and convinced myself that it wasn't the flatline, but that I had other problems like trauma and so on. I started reading about trauma, anxiety and depression, etc. That was a mistake on my part.

I'm now 10000000% sure that it's "just" the flatline/PAWS. Nobody can convince me otherwise. My symptoms got worse when I had MO relapses and I got gradually better because I abstained.

The first relapse was strange. I exposed myself and I was planning on doing something sexual and just thinking about it gave me an erection and it didn't last long. Ejaculation occurred immediately. I didn't even touch my genitals.

I think I ejaculated 2 or 3 times without touching my genitals. This only happened when planning or thinking about something sexual, i.e. masturbating.

 

Yes exactly. 6 days before my last PAWS reduction, i.e. in month 46, I achieved exactly the same state as with the PAWS reduction in month 43. Then 6 days later and I experienced a new, better PAWS reduction. I hope you understand what i mean.

The question I am asking myself or you is whether the 5 MO relapses increased the duration of my flatline by 3 months or whether these 5 MO relapses did not increase the duration of my flatline but the symptoms were simply worse.

 

I read many benzo success stories and some of them had PAWS between 4-5 years. The longest benzo PAWS success story that I found, lasted 5 years. So I will wait until I reached 5 years and then I will answer your question

 

Did you read the post? Yes I had 5 MO (masturbation, orgasm)-relapses in a timespan of 3 weeks between month 43 and 44.