45 days in, it's no longer about me.

It's now 45 days (well, almost 45 at the time of writing this) and this is the third longest period which I've abstained from PMO. The first of course being those 12 years before puberty and second a 65 day streak in the beginning of 2017. Despite seeing the benefits that many in this forum experience firsthand, I came dangerously close to a relapse. I've would have lost weeks of progress had it not been for a single event.

I have a long time friend who was going through a difficult and confusing period in her life. People normally gravitate towards me when they have a problem but my mind would normally be too clouded to help. I surprised myself in the manner that I handled the situation, I was patient, articulate, and persuasive. I may have nudged her away from making a horrible life altering decision with my advice. I wont go into details but had I've been too busy beating my meat and having the conversation skills of a man in a drunken stupor, I hate to think what the outcome of that situation would have been.

Self improvement is one thing but this is a reason why I HAVE to keep my streak going. What if a similar situation arises in the future? What if I let someone down because I'm too much of a mess myself to help? The choices we make ripple outward through others and I cannot allow myself selfish, self destructive pleasures anymore.