hi guys, in the last relapse, I was using the telegram app to look for porn and I opened a random channel to discover that the first video is gay porn, so without any assurance, I scrolled away from this video but I need to assure because I said my mind may trick me, so I rescrolled but I didn't focus and scroll quickly again but in the third time I said I focus to assure, so I wait for a few second once I assured it's gay porn I scrolled quickly. the leg photo(that's above the video) I thought it's for a woman but after the assurance from this video I think it' was for a gay, so I closed this channel and I felt I lost my mood completely, so I searched quickly for the usual porn stuff. also in my last relapse I watch it had no nudity at all girls fucking a boy with dido i watched it for 2 times it was on YouTube but i didn't get aroused on it but i felt desire to watch it again ,so i watched a few seconds form it in the second time. so is this means i'm gay ? or just doing it out of curiosity is normal (it has no nudity at all) After the relapse, I had a series of OCD thoughts all night, so I hardly slept & I had a dream about gay people it was not porn it was just a normal dream but it has 2 gays for the first time in my life and to be honest, it annoys me. Now I have 3 different feelings, first, I had OCD thoughts about being gay and pedophilic, so I'm afraid to some Extent of having these thoughts again. second, I feel I'm running away from something. third, I feel my body is completely strange for me, my extremities feel odd for me. the fourth, I have a desire to whip my self although it's against my religious beliefs. why do i have these all feelings ? thanks in advance.
it may be that you have an HOCD which is compulsive thinking that you might be gay. its ok to be confused about sexual identity but porn is not the way to solve it. if it really goes out of control, consider professional treatment. You are running away from something; your PMO addiction. for the rest, its sound like a negative thoughts that stem from you engaging porn, it'll fade as long as you keep streaking.
You might want to take a look at this HOCD guide, its very interesting. Take the time to read it fully. https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?t...fetishes-a-complete-guide-for-freedom.283059/
Note 1: I'm not gay at all and i know that. İn addition i got annoyed of anything related to gay. Sometimes, i watch transwoman but never to watch gay porn at all. Also, i Don't watch a transwoman with male only they're solo or with girls. Although İt's not always to watch transwoman porn because I don't like it .but when I do I only watch what I mentioned. Note2: İ eventually have OCD in every aspect of life and currently i don't have the ocd of being gay but I'm afraid to have it again. Note3: I'm awaiting to reach at least 60 days before going to psychologist because I'm really in need for it, because my ocd thoughts makes me can't think of engaging in any relationship at all. İn addition to fears of writing anything that may affect your understanding that will make you say something makes my ocd worse.
