35 Years Old in 4 Days – 41 Days NoPMO

I quit watching porn and masturbating on January 1, 2020. This is the first time I’ve made it over 30 days. Below is a brief history of my pornography addiction, the main reasons I quit, the benefits and hardships that I’ve had while quitting, and some things that have helped me along the way. I’ve been apprehensive about posting my story. Putting myself out there is not a common characteristic of mine, but I would never have made it 30 days without the success stories of others and want to pay that forward.

Brief History
I’ll be 35 years old in 4 days. I started watching porn at 12. I’ve been addicted to porn for 22 years. My porn addiction started the way most porn addictions start for someone my age. Magazines and VHS tapes. From there it was dial-up internet (remember waiting 30 seconds for a picture to download?), and once high-speed internet became available, I was fucked.

Why I Quit
My relationships with the people around me have slowly dwindled as my addiction has progressed. I’ve spent many nights in the company of a computer screen instead of developing bonds and connections with the people who love me. As a result, some of those people have moved on and I don’t blame them. I’m now spending time reconnected with the people who are in my life.

The pornography I viewed became increasingly perverted and extreme. I think it’s safe to say that I’ve viewed everything that is legal, and a lot of it I’ll never be able to unsee. If you’ve ever stared at your computer screen immediately after coming and thought, “What the fuck did I just watch?”; it’s time to quit. I became disgusted in myself, which was an enormous blow to my self-esteem. This has had a direct effect on the way I project myself to people around me. The pornography I’ve viewed has made me see people as less than human, which is not what the people in my life deserve.

As the porn became more extreme, my ability to have sex has diminished. I couldn’t maintain erections while having sex with a real human being, nor did I have the desire to be in the moment with them. I was constantly in my head, watching imaginary porn while trying to finish. Their needs were not my priority. Sex with someone else was entirely self-serving.

Benefits
I’ve seen some benefits since quitting porn. These aren’t “superhero” benefits, but they are realistic ones for having quit 41 days ago.

I’m able to communicate with people on a much deeper level. I don’t spend as much time in my head during conversations with others. The amount of perverted thoughts running through my head while having conversations has minimized dramatically. I feel like I am worthy of connecting with people because I now see them more as humans and less as objects, which reinforces my motivation to keep connecting with others.

I’m more productive at work. I’m more proactive and less reactive. I’m continually thinking of ways to prevent issues from happening rather than waiting to “cross that bridge if I come to it.” I care about employees and coworkers more and I want to lend a hand when they need support.

My productivity in general as increased. My house is cleaner and my hygiene is better than it ever was in the worst phases of my addiction. I have specific things that I do each day to ensure I’m taking care of myself. My voice is lower and my speech is more fluid. I sound more assertive and less passive, which has benefited me at work and in my social life. People appear to take what I say more seriously now. I also believe that I am more serious about situations than I was before quitting porn. I was apathetic.

My social anxiety has decreased. I initiate conversations with strangers on occasion. People who never used to approach me have started talking to me. I admit, this is awkward for me, but I’m doing my best to be a bit more unreserved around others.

Hardships and Motivation
Seeing benefits is great because it makes self -improvement worthwhile, but there will also be hardships along the way to work through. The three major ones for me were insomnia, depression and temptations. Some nights I’d be awake until 1:00-2:00am, having to be up at 5:30am. Other nights I’d fall asleep right away, then be up from 1:00am-4:00am. The worst of my insomnia was in the first week, it steadily improved after that. There were days when I didn’t want to eat or take care of myself. There were days when I’d come home from work and all I wanted to do was sleep but couldn’t because of life’s responsibilities. There were days when things weren’t going as planned and I wanted to numb out on porn instead of dealing with situations.

The main thing that helped me from relapsing was watching NoFap videos on YouTube. If I was on Day 13, I would search “NoFap Day 13” and watch videos of people who were on the same day talk about their successes and struggles. It helped keep things in perspective and reinforce the fact that others have been where I was, and I wasn’t alone.

What I’ve Learned So Far
If there’s one thing I’ve learned above all others in the past 46 days, it is this: Don’t focus on changing my entire life, just focus on quitting porn. It was important to me that I understood quitting porn and masturbation wasn’t going to change my life. It’s freed up wasted time to make change easier. It helped alleviate social anxiety, which makes connecting to others easier. Most importantly, it’s helped me build some discipline and self-control that I didn’t previously have. These two things, discipline and self-control, is what will help me change my life.


If you’re still reading this; good luck, stay focused, I’m pulling for you.

 

I understand how difficult it is. Good luck man!

 

Better later than never man. I wish to have 4000 days at age of 35 but I quit too late. Relapses are not worth it. Still it's like riding a bike - you fall less and less with experience.

 

Very inspiring my friend.