35 days clean

I figure it's time for me to post something on here. Most of the time I use NoFap passively, just reading the forums and continuing to educate myself on porn addiction. 35 days is the longest I have ever gone without watching porn since I first starting watching some 13 years ago. I had one stretch of 28 and another of 31, but now here I am at 35, and it feels good. I do feel I have accomplished something meaningful.

My primary motive in quitting porn is similar to many others' on here: connect and share intimacy with a real woman. While I was watching porn all the time, I almost never had so much as a date. Now, I am currently dating two women - no, not like a player or anything. I've just been on a few dates with each and hopefully with one of them can turn into a relationship. I slept with one of them last weekend, and not to my surprise, I was unable to get any sort of erection. I pleased her very well though - she said so herself - and we slept naked together which felt wonderful. I loved the warmth of her body and also the shape. She has very nice hips and boobs, and just looked like a real woman. Not some fake porn girl. I have a strong physical attraction to her.

The other girl is very smart and also very kind. She is a nurse for kids with cancer, and hearing her stories about these kids and tough things she has to deal with every day have humbled me. I look at my struggles, which include porn addiction, and I think of what they must go through and it just humbles me. There are so many more important things in life than getting off. I am also attracted to this girl, but more so her personality and values, whereas the other one is kind of just hot and fun.

Either way, it feels good to be dating! It boosts my self-esteem to know there are people of the opposite sex interested in me. Porn is so destructive to my general well-being. I feel MORE sexually frustrated when I watch porn, because it instills an insatiable appetite for more. It also makes me feel like I am good enough - like women want pleasure that I can never provide. What a horrible thought. No one should have to feel that way, especially because it is not true! Like I said, there are more important things in life than sex, and I do feel like if you love the person you're with, you can have great sex. It's something I now look forward to, whereas before I had no faith in myself to ever have sex (yes, I am a virgin).

I know the flatline period takes time, and to be honest, I'm not really worried about it. If I disappoint these girls then oh well, there's not much more I can do about it at this point - I just need to give it time.

I want to finish my rather long post by emphasizing that I speak in present tense about being a porn addict. I am a porn addict, not was. Porn is destructive to my well-being, not was. Porn is still out there. It's still a temptation for me. 35 days is great, but it's always going to be there to tempt me. I am not above the addiction, just a little more in control of it now. Here's to another 35 days! I hope to God I can stay with it.