I have some level of interest in a group like that, although I'm not sure how practical it would be for me to join with the pond between us. You should turn on your PMs; I saw no ability to contact you that way on your profile. As for me, I've been me at my worse. All my addictions coalesce into one. I think on Halloween I'll bury the addicted me and try to come back a sobered zombie.
Another reset here in a long line of resets! Can’t seem to get off the ground. Great to see a lot of good successes here though, keep at it guys
Day 12. Starting to get those weird urges that are not urges, but my brain telling me "Why don't you look at porn, it'll be fun" again. Stupid brain. But otherwise doing pretty good.
Day 27. Checking in. Last couple of days I remember how much damage PMO has made. I lost everything because of this shit. No willingness to achieve anything in life other than sitting in front of screen and holding the fu**ing organ for few second of pleasure. I lost all valuable years of life which could turn me into a successful man. Lost everything, no social life, no gf, no sex, no good friends, no good relationships with anybody, no good job. I even don't know how quickly the time has vanished and I can't return back to correct my mistakes. Constant brain fog, procrastination, apathy, anger and bad decisions are all results of this PMO. I chose to live lonely rather than seeking relationships because I never saw any pleasure in taking the efforts to have someone, real partner in my life. My brain was happy enough to just fap to pixels. Literally drained every drop of semen out of my body for more than 25 years. How can I even expect myself to be a normal man? I am not even normal average guy. Not even years of nofap can't make me what I could become if I had never fapped. But enough is enough! I will fight back. I can't correct the past, but I can live the present I can take serious healing measures NOW so I can get at least a peace of mind in future if not anything. I have lived my life as a loser so far, but I can be proud of myself if I can destroy my addiction. Only this victory over the addiction is enough for me now, because all other things if I get them will be the mercy of almighty now. To be a little happy from inside I just need to be on this streak forever! I need to very very careful about the triggers.
I interpret this as an excellent example of the difference between spirit and mind. The mind says "look at porn..." your spirit knows better and calls it a stupid idea.
It's also an example of the subconscious and the conscious mind. The subconscious is the much deeper and darker part of your mind, which has total knowledge of everything that's going on, and it's also the place where all the thoughts that enter your conscious mind come from. But you only ever see the thoughts once they're in the conscious part. And in the case of NoFap, the subconscious is trying to make you look at porn, because it's raising thoughts based on how your brain is wired, and so your conscious mind has to work really hard to ignore those thoughts.
I should go on. I have to keep this streak. I have to get some life. I want to feel myself worth living in this planet again. I don't want that horrible feeling of guilt and self shame again. Please please help me my Paramatman Shiva. I want that strength. That will to achieve something which successful people have. I want to find pleasure in real achievements and not just hand on d**k shit. It is a biggest mistake of my life when I devoted myself for such heinous act. Biggest regret which I have to carry whole life.
Day 13. Urges are a bit worse than yesterday. Still holding on though. Tomorrow is a public holiday, which makes it easier.
Day 28. Checking in. Can't believe I am 36 years old and only 28 days sober It should have been years.
I can relate a lot to your story. I have tried everything I could think of to stop this behavior and still I continue to relapse. One thing I have learned is that hating yourself is not the answer, it will only make the problem worse. You have to forgive yourself. If you had friend who had this problem (you probably do), would you hate and condemn him for it? No, you would be supportive and understanding. You have to have the same kind of compassion for yourself or you will go insane. Trust me, I know. That doesn't mean I'm happy with my failure to keep a long streak going. I'm going to keep trying to live without P and M because I have no alternative, but I'll also remember that sexual urges are part of my biological reality, and so curing myself of that permanently is probably impossible.
Thank you for your words. I don't hate myself but I can't stop hating when I realize that I knew what was weakening me still I wasn't able to hold the life and leave the shit. That seems a common sense to chose better. But still how hard it is!