30 days no PMO or fantasy

That's how I try to practise daily mindfulness too.

 

Yes to both. Because I am more aware of what my mind is doing, I can notice the thoughts arising quite quickly and shift my attention back to the real world. I need both meditation and daily mindfulness to be able to do this.

 

Crazy and sick how? Because of our problems or because we want to solve them?

I honestly don't know whether this is a bigger problem for single or married / LTR men. I know it's easy for single men and boys, especially the younger ones who are more isolated from real social interaction because of social media and video games, to sink into a horrible pit of solitary fantasy and screen addiction. On the other hand, there are a lot of married men in the over-40s forum where I post my journal. Maybe they're on there because they are more motivated to quit than single men.

It can be extremely difficult for someone who is completely trapped in that fog of unawareness to realise what the problem is. I only became acutely aware of it because of the contrast with my spiritual path. But why would someone seek the spiritual path if they don't recognise that they have a problem?

I really hope your husband finds that realisation. I take it you are religious - how about him? Does he pray? Does he pray with devotional feeling? That can be a way into the real emotions.

 

Thanks for asking. I'm very pleased that you're interested in this practice. I learnt directly from my Buddhist Master in Vietnam. I started off going to classes 2-3 times a week at his house, then he started a retreat centre in the countryside and I spent a few months with him there, practising Buddhism and helping to build the centre.

I'm not qualified to give any authoritative advice, and I absolutely do not teach meditation or any other spiritual practices, but I can share my experiences. My first advice is to find a genuine teacher, but unfortunately that's not easy. Be careful of people who claim to give instructions but don't have an ongoing link with a Master who has given them permission to teach (I do have a Master but I don't claim to give instructions).

Sitting in meditation is quite difficult to understand correctly. I don't advise practising it without guidance from a Master. There are too many potential misunderstandings, especially for people with certain problems. I wouldn't want to be responsible for that because a situation might arise where I wouldn't know how to help. This is not just a case of Masters protecting their secret knowledge. There are genuine reasons for it.

Daily mindfulness is probably easier and more important than sitting in meditation. The idea is to try and come back to your physical senses and notice what you are doing and what is going on around you, rather than being lost in thoughts. Whenever you notice that you are lost in thoughts, pay attention to your body and your senses. Notice what you can see, hear and smell. Feel the wind on your face. Feel your feet on the ground. Don't create a running commentary in your mind: keep observing your actual senses. Keep coming back to yourself like that as much as you can.

My wife and I are hoping to translate and upload some videos of our Master teaching. I will post a thread on the self-improvement forum when we have the first one.

 

Is your mind really less focused than before or is it that you are noticing more?

 

Hardly surprising your mind is tired if you're studying for 12 hours a day. Is that really effective? I'm always telling my students to study less.