19 days. My brain keeps trying to self sabotage my progress. I’m reminding myself constantly. Going to the gym 5 days a week and keeping busy. Went on a date, went unbelievably well. Eating healthy food etc. I can do this.
Day 15/30 done. I’m literally halfway there to my first goal! I did slip yesterday. In a moment of physical exhaustion, boredom, and waiting (which has been rare the past couple weeks, as I’ve been good at keeping my schedule insanely full and busy), I found myself on Instagram searching and scrolling for sensual material. I looked for about 10 minutes, then realized what I was doing. I stopped, deleted Instagram, and informed my accountability partners. Because I was able to stop, and did not act out or move on to actual porn, I am counting my streak as unbroken. However, I am on high alert, as moments like this have been harbingers of major relapses in the past, with that type of Instagram / social media / internet scrolling being a “gateway drug” to giving in a relapsing and binging porn. I’m not going to do that. I’ve come to far. I have too much to lose. I am going to beat this. I am going to write out a commit to a “boredom” plan today, to try to mitigate those moments as moments of weakness. Praying for the strength to get me through today and beyond.
21/30 days done. I was very busy today and nearly didn’t even make it to post here. But I committed to post everyday and here I am.
22/30 days done. Flatline is still there, but not as bad as before. I keep doing everything I am supposed to do.
