24hrs down

Howdy all. 30yo married guy here and I am finally tired of constantly hiding my addiction and leading a double life. I can't think of a period of more than a day or two in the past 10+ years that I haven't looked at porn or masturbated. I did it on my honeymoon, at work, you name it. My addiction has led me to be unfaithful and generally be a terrible person. Have spent nearly every minute of alone time for the last several years looking at porn. Enough is enough and decided yesterday that I am taking control. Wish me luck on what is sure to be a tough process.

 

We have discussed it many times before. Our marriage nearly ended 2 years ago due to infidelity that was brought about by needing the next "fix". Porn wasn't enough so it was on to chatting, to meeting someone, etc. She supported me through it all and gave me another chance. I consider myself the luckiest guy in the world for that. It has been a while since we discussed it but I think I will let her know what I am committing to. It will be hard because we will revisit me hiding things from her. She has no idea how bad it is and I am sure it will be painful for her at first but I know she will appreciate the honesty.

 

I am going to battle by primarily staying busy and around people. I work in sales and make my own schedules most days. I have had almost endless freedom to do as I pleased and PMO anytime I have had free time. I plan on working out anytime I am home and have large blocks of free time to combat boredom. I already run alot and would like to qualify for a Boston marathon so I thin parlaying this into an added reason to train will help. The other thing I think will help is work and sending emails from a place like starbucks. Not going to PMO surrounded by strangers so staying around people should help me to avoid PMO at times I would usually spend at home doing that. Open to other suggestions as well!

 

Day 2

I woke up at 1:00am last night and couldn't get back to sleep. Was up until 4:00ish fighting the urge. I used to almost use M as a sleeping aid so this was the toughest challenge yet. Managed to stay strong but hopefully I will stay asleep more often than not because it made for a long day today. Positive side is I should be ready to crash tonight. Busy morning at work and squeezed in a 6 mile run this afternoon. Prepping dinner shortly and wifey should be home around 5 so barring a total lapse in judgement I will make it to day 3 PM free!