23 Male NoFap in Relationship

Hustler0008 · Oct 13, 2023

Hello,
I have been an on and off fapstronaut for a while. I first started nofap back in Nov of 2020 when I was heart-broken and wanted to change my life. The first wave of corona virus had ended and I finally got to spend outside. During lockdown, I tried changing a lot, making various disciplinary rules and stuffs, but nothing really pushed me. However, in Nov 2020, I remember telling myself that I will complete a whole year without nutting and I did it. I broke my nofap journey on Feb 2022 so it was around 15 months long nofap journey. Its been over 20 months of that, but I still miss my old self.

By the end of my nofap journey, I had only one weakness among thousands of benefits that I received along the way. It was my uncontrollable sexual aggression. I was extremely cocky. If I wanted something I would just go and get it, no excuses, nothing - just straight up do the shit and get it over with. I barely procrastinated during that time period. However, I started to feel its repercussions. I expected the same from everyone else. But they considered my behavior as pushy and arrogant. I used to barely sleep for 3-4 hours, work as a freelancer - which gave me really good earning to uplift my lifestyle, went to the gym and everything was great, besides my inability to control my sexual urges.

Hustler0008 · Oct 13, 2023

I have been in a relationship for past one year or so. At first it was really for me to practice nofap. I would do easily for a month or so. The thing is we do not live together and we both live in a joint family. My gf is mostly at her home and because her parents are conservative, she needs to ask for permission to go outside for long. So, even after a year, we have not spent a night together. However, we have had sex, but it is less often than we want. We usually get to meet once or twice a month. During that time, I do not have issue with my performance and I fairly regularly watch amateur porn - to satisfy my sexual urges. I really don't want to watch it and at first I could have easily controlled it, but because we barely get to meet twice a month, it is really hard to fulfill the urges. I know my gf is feeling the same, but we cannot help it.

So, the real issue is that we are both horny but cannot meet. It feels really frustrating so I revert back to porn. Through my nofap journey, I have understood what really desiring a woman feels like - beyond her body. It is naturally built inside of me and when I stop giving in to my urges, I can feel my natural attraction to women. However, I am really getting confused and frustrated. The dilemma that when can I see her next and enjoy intimacy with each other is killing me. Even when we make plans, sometimes we have drop it due to family issues. That is really making me nuts.

Hustler0008 · Oct 13, 2023

Having said that, I want to start becoming more disciplined from now on.

Warren of fleabags · Oct 14, 2023

Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear that you are going through conflict to such a degree. I have been in the same boat as you - you want to be with the woman you care about, who you connect with physically and emotionally - the best kind of connection with a SO - and yet for reasons out of your control this is not always possible. P becomes an easy substitute.

I have to tell you - and I’m sure you already know this - this substitute can turn so quickly into an obsession you don’t even realise it. That was the mistake that I and all of us on here made. We think it fills a need. It doesn’t. It’s a drug and it wants us to be hooked on it. The real thing - and you know this because of the amazing intensity you feel when you are with your partner - is ten times, even a hundred times more fulfilling than P can ever be. Why? Because it’s real and not a fantasy. And reality is not easy, nor will it bend to our own will most of the time. That’s why when these moments do happen of intimacy between two loving people it creates such a fantastic explosion of happiness.

My advice (take it or leave it) - treat every day as it comes, one day at a time. Don’t expect too much to happen in a day, then when it does the moment is so much better. When those urges hit to look at P, try to focus on the bigger picture. How will this help your craving for intimacy in the long run? Will it satisfy it or leave you in the same place you were five minutes before?

Keep checking in on here - most of us are in the same boat as you and are happy to be an ear.

Real Jerry Seinfeld · Oct 14, 2023

I can relate to a lot of what you're saying about urges during a long NoFap streak. Definitely I felt more motivated, confident and assertive, but I also experienced significant frustration if I went more than a week or so without sex. It's definitely a tricky thing to manage and something that can easily push you off the wagon.

I don't really have a solution for you if regular sex is something you can't currently rely upon given your girlfriend's living situation. I would say that you've just got to fight it for as long as possible. At least then you're minimising the frequency of your masturbation. And if you give in, don't go the whole way and use porn, that's not necessary to let some steam off. Focus on how good it feels to be on a streak and how those benefits slowly disappear when you fall back into the habit pf watching pornography regularly. Let that motivate you to keep you away from it.

Hope it all works out mate, keep us posted.

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23 Male NoFap in Relationship

Hustler0008 Fapstronaut

Hustler0008 Fapstronaut

Hustler0008 Fapstronaut

Warren of fleabags Fapstronaut

Real Jerry Seinfeld Fapstronaut

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