I have entered the new year as a nonsmoker! I was superdrunk at the new years party (which is not good) but I did NOT smoke and that was the most important goal of the evening. Now im in my 25th day of not smoking and it isnt really hard anymore. I met my ex bf on friday and we had a nice conversation and it felt really good. But im not sure hopw this is going to develop. We'll see. Now in the end of january i got exams coming up and i need to study a lot from now on, i should have done more in december. In january i will not drink any alcohol. I might think about completely kicking alcohol from my life. Another thing to celebrate: 4 months no weed tomorrow!! Im happy with what I achieved and how I am starting into the new year. There is one thing i need to control though, and thats porn addiction. I just jacked off, so tomorrow the 3rd of january will be day 1 of no porn. If i get superhorny, I will either jack of to my thoughts, or to a sex story.
Nee years eve turned out to be worse than I thought. I got told things that happened and that’s shut. Well I can’t change it and my bad mood because of it has passed now. I didn’t drink any alcohol since then and I am not planning to do so in the near future. I am smoke free since 30 days!! So fucking proud of myself!! im in the best shape of my life! I die one rep benchpress with 105kg today, that’s my Highscore!! So proud and happy to continue this journey of improving myself. Unluckily I’m getting a cold right now, I guess tomorrow I will be quite sick but I will fight through it and don’t let it get me down. i need to study this month. Feels so good to do the right things.
Thanks mate! I am sure I will get this fucking porn shit under my control soon too. The thing is i am kind of scared of fighting to many things at the same time (smoking, alcohol) plus lots of studying right now, so that my body is screaming for dopamine and might trick me do do dumb things like starting to smoke again. On the other hand I could really need the focus of a solid nofap streak for my exams. I will give it a try! I will jack off again before I go to sleep today, and tomorrow I won’t jack off! Tuesday I will also not jack off, and from experience from the 3rd day it gets easier until day 7. This is the way to go! * update to my post from yesterday : I am quite sick since today… I hope it will pass fast so I can go to the gym again in a few days. The gym became really important to me since I don’t smoke and it’s just something I’m looking forward to the whole day. Now I I will have to miss out on it a few days, but I will make it. I had a talk to my best friend about New Year’s Eve and some other things and it felt really good. It feels like I am done with this story now. I can move one.
I don’t know, make to set an end to it… anyways I haven’t managed to stop it. I will need to think of a strategy soon, right now it seems extra hard because I am sick and can’t even go to the gym.
Just when things felt like getting better (not really I’ll anymore, the new years shut is over,…) I am facing a new challenge. Realized I might have some type of venereal disease. Bad mood since then. I was at the doctor and he confirmed. It’s nothing nearly as bad as AIDS or similar, but it did kind of freak me out before I was at the doctor. Well he confirmed but said that it is not really that bad. It can be treated really good. Anyways I need to go see a specialist and I’m gonna see in one in about a month because there was no appointment earlier… as I have exams coming up I also don’t really have the time to just go doctors and hope that they will treat me earlier. So I will wait. I don’t like waiting but there’s no other option. I just need to be really careful because my mood is low due to not smoking anyway and now this shit is kind of freaking me out. I don’t want to start smoking again. I will keep calm until I have my appointment and then things will hopefully get better.
That sucks man! Praying for you. Stay strong and stay clean. Smoking ain't it. PMO ain't it. Drinking ain't it. I hope you can find ways to enjoy and be productive while sick!
Thanks man! Yesterday evening in bed i felt so helpless and nearly had a mental breakdown. becaus of being scared of the disease. I was able to sleep okay though. Today I made an appointment for checking and treating this shit sooner than in one month. i will have an appointment on monday. So happy about that, if would have needed to wait for a whole month until i finally know what exactly it is and can start treating it. Yesterday i was very close to giving up and just buying cigarettes and giving a shit about everything. But I didnt. I am at one of the lowest points in my life right now but I will fight and fuckinhg give in to cigarettes or alcohol because they would help me in any way, they would only make things worse. bad mood and depression from not smoking doesnt make things better. I will try not to fap that often but right now is not the time for me to make things even harder than they are. I first need to fight this fucking disease shit, and then I can concentrate also on nofap.
Still smoke free, I think the last days were probably the lowest my mood will drop to because of smoking. So that means from now on my mood will be rising no matter what comes, I feel it. Of course there will be bad days, but overall everything will get better. I had my appointment at the doctor on Monday. Turns out I have the disease and I will need to have a surgery. The surgery is not risky or dangerous, it’s just annoying that I need to have it.. guess I will have it in the beginning of February. When I can pass the chapter of this disease I think I will be very fucking happy. In order to have a good healing after surgery i will do everything to strengthen my immune system. That means of course no smoking. Also I won’t start to drink after the exams like I usually did when exams were over. I will not drink alcohol for a while. I don’t want to make to big statements but I need to keep some date as a record. So I will set it to end of march. Until end of match I will not drink any alcohol, that will be 3 months then. Until then I will also be almost 4 months smokefree. my cold has finally passed 97%. I will start going to the gym on Friday again. Also going to go running to improve cardio. Looking forward to become a real fucking athlete!
I will not jack off tomorrow. I will start this day for day. No pressure. But I want to take distance from fapping again it’s just such a sad way of quenching the cravings for dopamine.
Had an exam today was not bad, after that I visited my best friend and we had good and deep talks. Tomorrow I will go to the gym again. I will go regularly from tomorrow on again. My cold is gone about 99%…
