21 year old looking to escape my shackles

Hi all

I am a 21 year old guy and have been fighting addiction since about 16. Porn was my first introduction to masturbation and has persisted as an addiction that I have not been able to free myself from. I use it as an escape along with other mind numbing substances. Porn me vs healthy me are black and white. The times I am PMO free I feel incredible, but while using I am riddled with anxiety, depression, self hate. Porn has kept me trapped in my own self made cage.

Ironically, self love is what is missing most of my life. I am very hard on myself and very critical. My goal is to be self loving, which will then manifest itself to other areas of my life to the point where I do not feel the need to drown myself in emotion altering behaviour or substances.

I find myself 3 weeks out from the trip of the lifetime. 40 people on a group trip, and 75% are highly attractive women. My challenge for the short term is to persist in a PMO free lifestyle at least until after I return. I want to see these girls as people and not things and develop meaningful friendships. I am looking forward to the weeks to come, but am also nervous. I don't handle failure well. This is my first time joining an online PMO-free community in a very long time so I am hoping I can seek wisdom and inspiration from everyone else here.

Wish me luck!