200 Days

I have come to find that not looking at Porn while no easy feat is nothing compared to chasing my brain down and removing addictive behaviors. For me Porn and Masturbation are just faces of the addiction.

I got to 200 days about 10 days ago and took a serious and honest look at my life and found that while I was abstaining using the rules that I had set, I was still partaking in the form of edging. After being honest about how much I was edging (Multiple times per week) and reading about how damaging edging can be on this site I have reset my counter to my personal goal of no Porn, Masturbation, or Edging.

It's a bittersweet 200 days. I made it this far! ... I'm not free, and the addiction has more layers and is more sneaky than I wanted to, or was willing to admit.

Sorry not sure if this is a success story or a relapse story.

I want to be done with this sooo badly, I want to relax and be me again instead of having to always watch my back and be ready for the next sucker punch that my addiction throws at me. I started this when I was 13, I had no idea the pain and the sorrow this would create in my life. It made me feel so good at the time. I am 37 now. I feel something else, something deeper, needs to heal, there has to be a reason that I needed porn in the first place. If I can find that, then maybe I can truly let go...

 

Mattew, I agree. Edging didn't really start happening until the last little bit. But you are right. I had another user comment that there really is no difference between edging and fapping.

This is a journey where I am working to give up my addiction, and a big part of that is seeing and accepting what is appropriate, and what is justification.

Thanks for the hard comments.