Hey Guys, I'm new here. I'm 33, married 10 years, 3 kids. Started fapping about 13 (Or sooner). My addiction has gotten better then relapsed over the years. My recent story is that I achieved much success and didn't watch porn for over a year or so. My pride settled in and I "thought" this was over in my 20's.. So I never put my guard back up. Boy, was it a slow fade from there.. soon as I turned 30 i started looking at just pictures on facebook.. I would say to myself that this really isn't porn, (When in fact, it's just a woman in a thong and practically nothing on her top).. THIS IS PORN TOO.. Stop lying to yourself that lusting after an image of a woman in a thong bikini is not porn.. These images slowly started taking me back to porn sites.. There would be times where I would go to a porn site, look away, then come back, look away, then come back.. Then confess to my wife that I struggled with porn AGAIN but really "Just looked away".. It was pathetic, i'm really down in the dumps because I thought this wasn't an issue anymore and I fell hard. The shame is unbearable. Porn has destroyed my marriage. So much so, that my wife threatened to leave me recently for the first time ever. Like really leave me.. She gave me one last chance.. If I have one, even one more slip up, bye bye wife and kids. I was so overcome with emotions and came to a new place with my faith and got real with God. It was the kick in the butt I needed because I wasn't taking things seriously and have been sloppy with my life for so long.. The stakes are too high for me, I have 3 kids. And a solid HOT wife.. Right now, i'm on day 30 of no porn. I feel much better and don't even crave it at all.. I have masturbated a few times though. I'm trying to quit that too, but the longest I can go without masturbating is about a week, if not 2 if i'm lucky. I'm assuming that no-fapping includes no porn and no masturbation together? Did I fail if i don't look at porn but struggle to masturbate?
Hey man... 31 married here and 3 kids lol. I just wanted to try and answer your question... Your goals are your to set man... so you make the rules about whats in and whats out. I think most guys here are committed to no porn... but also are committed to no MO because the two go together so much... for me... I currently don't wanna look at P at all... I'm not so worried about MO but have been avoiding it completely because I know it will lead me straight back to P... and that its not good for my sex life. If you are experiencing any PIED or ED... then best not to MO at all... in fact its probably best to do hard mode... no O for 90 days. That would probably require a conversation with your wife... but can be a sign to her of how seriously you are taking this. When you say 'the longest i can go without'... you are lying to yourself. You are not addicted to P or M... your brain is addicted to dopamine and knows that PMO'ing or MO'ing is a quick and easy (for most) way to get there. You can go more than a week... but so far you have let your brain dictate to you your limits. that can end now buddy... research your addiction, reach out to other guys, get an accountability partner... for you, you already have clear consequences on the horizon of things don't change... but also focus on the positives of that change, not just the negatives of staying the same. My thoughts, for what they are worth anyway. Good luck and god bless.
Foxtrot, Thank you so much for your reply. The thing with MO for me is that it can be controlled to where my thoughts are just on my wife while i'm doing it. I've experienced Porn induced erectile dysfunction a few times when I was actively looking at porn. It went away after i stopped watching porn, but masturbation doesn't cause any issues in that area. We have great sex now, but struggled of course when I was actively looking at porn.. In fact, i feel that casual masturbation even helps with our sex life.. But then again, that could be me just lying to myself.. I keep saying, well I can do it so long as I don't do it every day or get addicted to it.. Another thing that is potentially bad is that I MO sometimes after my wife and I have great sex. I will sometimes masturbate shortly there after in the bathroom because i felt like it "wasn't enough".. Even though it was awesome sex.. I think that right here is a sign of an addict, wouldn't you say? I have been obsessed with trying to obtain multiple orgasms with sex that masturbation is my way to achieve that.. Which it shouldn't.. I think, in the end, is that masturbation has been such a integral part of my life and that it has been so closely tied to pornography over the years, that I need to set a goal of not doing it at all.. I'm going to set a goal, since today is October 1st, NO porn AND masturbation at all for the month of October (31 days). 2 weeks was the longest I've gone without masturbating (In august), and I can tell you that I felt the most confident and strongest during this time. I know there is science behind this when you withhold your semen that you potentially create more testosterone and many other health benefits. I was more socially confident and felt more emotionally stable than I ever have before.. I just need to have someone keep reminding myself this.. Otherwise, i will try to go back and say that MO helps my sex life.. I'm looking for a radical transformation in regards to my masturbation... So far: Last Porn Slip up: Sept 1 2015 (30 Days) Last MO Slip up: Yesterday...
I think what you are describing with the whole MO after sex man is the 'chaser effect'... the sudden hit of dopamine ignites a short-term, but intense craving for more. but other guys might be able to tell you more about that... I think there is some stuff on here about multiple O for guys... anyway, good luck man. Happy to chat!
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