16 Years Is Long Enough

My addiction to PMO started when I was 11 and I'm currently 27. I knew even at age 11 that it was becoming an issue, that it was taking up too much of my time, that it was knocking my emotional state off-balance, that it was affecting my personality and my confidence. I've always noticed the negative effects the day of and the day or two after fapping, like how tired and lethargic I become, how it becomes difficult for me to gather and articulate my thoughts clearly, how my voice becomes weakened to where I can't speak or sing as well. Every time I go 3 days or more without fapping, I start to get a mood lift, feel more confident, feel less tired, my voice becomes deeper, more resonant, and more assured, etc., but then the temptation always draws me back in and I find some way to justify it, and then all the negative effects immediately kick back in. So then I often end up in a rut where I'm doing it daily just to keep myself dumbed down and captivated by the brittle, transient masturbation escape, avoiding transcending the mind-fog so that I don't remember what I'm missing.

I'm only fooling myself when I imagine there is some benefit or worthwhile pleasure in that temporary release. I think 16 years of the same old cycle of addiction, with essentially nothing to show for it but regret and wasted time, is long enough to say with certainty that I have every reason to change my lifestyle. I've seen for myself the benefits of abstinence in short bursts and have often wanted to cleanly break the habit, but never felt like I had the strength to do it with silent resolve and no external support. So this community is a godsend and I'm so thankful it exists and has fueled me with the motivation and support to feel like this is a conquest I'm equipped to undergo.

In an attempt to reboot, I've committed to 90 days, hard mode. I started three days ago. I announced it in the Reddit forum but wanted to make an introduction here as well. Any words of encouragement are welcome!

During my reboot, I intend to focus my energy on weight-lifting, music-writing, meditation, journaling, and my job (I recently got an internal promotion to a management position at my office and start managerial training in a couple weeks, and I really want to make a good first impression on my employer in my first few months of the new job).

Thank you guys for being here. I'm really glad to be entering this supportive and purposeful community.