142 days into NoFap but I feel like I need to fap for this one reason

So basically I broke my 100+ days streak this year during january because something terrible and personal happened and I got depressed and everything
but I did do something good
I decided that if i can complete N no. of chapters today, I will fap.
and it worked like a charm, I would study more and more just for the sweet reward
then my finals were done, and i passed thankfully to fapping lmao (first time someone thanks fapping).
But now I'm on my 142nd day I reset my day counter to motivate a small fapstronaut and he's still on day one for the past 2 months.

I feel i would be able to motivate myself to study more better if i use fapping as a reward
but I don't really want to get into this awful fapper life again.
I'm new to this city and NoFap is the only thing which is keeping me away from going into depression, but now since i adjusted to this city, I go to the gym, workout in home with dip bars(they are multipurpose)
and stuff, so yea thoughts?
Should I fap to motivate myself to study?
Btw letting y'all know, I would be fapping everyday I complete 3 chapters.
12th boards are in february so yeah basically a recipe for erectile dysfunction.

Idk what to do.
Help me.
Thanks.