10th reboot of the year...

Needless to say, this has been the worst year of my life! I am now on my 10th reboot, i just keep relapsing… Quick update on my story. I quit my last permanent job in November 2017. It was a very bad place to work, and it increased my anxiety. Fortunately I was not the only one, who hated working there as 50% of the company, either quit or planned to quit this year….

Fast forward to now and, being out of work is hard, a lot harder than i thought it would be. When you are stuck at home doing nothing, and feeling hopeless, its so easy to relapse. You feel like a mess, so nothing matters. I did have the possibility, of having a dating life, which would have stopped me relapsing. However as i have been out of work for a few months, i just feel too depressed to meet people. It’s shameful. I just cant even imagine meeting someone, right now and having them ask me what i do for a living which is a conversation starter… I just find it hard to believe, that a girl is going to accept you easily. The fact that i have not been accepted at any companies yet, just fuels this belief. So even though there were girls I could have met and possibly dated I have held back, which has led to constant relapses. What do you do when you aroused, stuck at home and wont allow yourself to meet anybody? Fap, fap, fap… My confidence is so low, and my mum has been putting me down even more which has caused me to relapse a lot…

I was talking to a girl until she went silent, she’s also unemployed and she was watching porn and masturbating 3 times a day…. Seems to be a trend here as you can see… So i’m back again, the stresses of life have broken me…. I already fapped twice today, buying that bottle of lube has made it too easy…. Anyway I went through my usual routine ritual today. Cleaned all of my search history got rid of all porn and images, as i attempt to do a 10th reboot. With any luck I will get a job soon, I have so much baggage and problems at the moment. If I had a job I could move out of home, get this anxiety down, and the likelihood of me relapsing would be extremely low, as I would have my life back again and i know i can meet girls whenever I want to… I was out yesterday while commuting back and forth between interviews, and i felt like some girls might have been checking me out….

But it’s highly unlikely, that I’m going to do anything until i do at least 90 days again. And i have a job so i don’t feel like i have nothing going on. Because who wants to be around someone like that?…

 

Thanks bro, yeah doing much better. I don't have a job at the moment but i am actively looking and have interviews coming up. Fingers crossed. I am also taking a break from the dating, i don't need that type of stress and uncertainty in my life at the moment. The upside is that i am on a streak i should easily make it to 90 days because there are no distractions. I noticed that you are almost at 90 days well done! Hope to join you there soon.