10 month hardship

Hi everyone, just wanted to share my story of isolation and wanted some feedback and maybe assurance that ill get better.

Since August of 2016 I've been in South Korea with my step dad and mom, due to the military. When I got here, I was hyped up with experiencing a new culture; the women, the sights, just the experience seemed rad as hell, and with me being very social this seemed pretty damn awesome. Sadly this was not how it ended up being, my mother has frequent panic attacks and severe anxiety so I can never leave my house on my own, I have to do homeschooling due to the attacks so I'm not exactly able to go out and make friends, and its absolutely complicated and stressful to do it. For 10 months, minus talking to old hometown buddies on my phone, I have not held a solid in-person conversation with another human being besides my mother or step father, and even when I talk to them, they put me down a lot, and try to put down who I am, making me think I'm different, or I have a problem. I've gone through depression, self harm, the works.. I even made a face on my pillow so I don't feel lonely at night, and I have something to hug. Now, because of my lack of female contact, or any social contact for that matter, I always looked to my nightly porn and wack to give me some kind of satisfaction before going to bed. But it can only satisfy someone who gets bored easy so much, so about 3 months ago I got into sissy hypnos and even gone as far as, finding objects and doing things to myself. Its hard to type because thats not who I am, its the lack of social contact that overtime ive really degraded myself and ended up developing anxiety. Hypno videos like that are incredibly dangerous, like a drug, where it overtakes the mind and alters your personality in a sense. Thats why I'm cutting masturbating and porn cold turkey, and shooting for atleast 30 days to really give myself a break.

Currently I have 5 more weeks before I can visit my biological father, move in with him and live a normal life again. I'm incredibly confident that once I'm back home with friends and family, ill start moving away from the nasty fetish I developed, and actually be normal again. Just thought I'd share a short typing of whats going on in my life, does anyone have any similar experiences?

 

I appreciate your words of positivity, something I need now more than ever, thank you.