As water flows to lowly places, grace comes to the humble. You're dealing with an addiction that is wired right into the core of your being. Can't tell you how many times I fell down. But I can tell you one thing, the number of times I got back up is that same number + 1. That is success bro. Just get back up and keep on going :)
I have a question: how does one “meditate” on the Word? Like, I’ve never been clear as to go about that beyond reading it.
Be like Mary. Ponder these things in your heart. Wonder about how these circumstances are happening and what they mean for you. If some meditative practices are like emptying the mind, so that one ends up with an empty cup, this kind of meditation is like filling your cup with clean water and depositing your favourite teas in it and seeing what kind of flavour you are making.
Like, for example, "take up your cross daily" Hmm...God, what does it mean for me to do that? Am I doing it here? Have I done it well? Does my life reflect this scripture? Whose life does reflect it well? What can I learn from their example? Because Jesus took up the cross with joy, does my anger mean that I am missing something? How did He find faith to do it?
We’ve all been there, man. Don’t let a minor setback distract you from how hard you are fighting this! You’re winning :)
No worries, brother. You get up and get on that wagon again. Learn from this situation and keep fighitng. You can do it!
Underlying causes... Stress? Loneliness? Figure that out and when you address it, the journey gets a lot easier. Keep trying, keep thinking.
I am sorry to say that have failed myself, God, and all of you. But I take heart in knowing that I will not be consumed, but learn from it.
Sorry to hear that but feelings are temporary stay focused on your goals. Know that you're not alone we're here rooting for you :)