Today is day six pmo free. Have barely thought about it for last couple days except for logging on to update,been to exhausted from moving, and staying at bros place. Going home later tonight,so I better have my guard up for when I'm alone and comfortable.
Nine o'clock, at home now reading. Was seriously tempted several times on my way home. I live in a rural area without a whole lot of people,sometimes when I go to bigger towns /cities,i go crazy about the hot women walking around,start thinking about pmo or calling an escort. I focused on the part of my mind that is disgusted by the perviness of it all,thought about how many people in the sex trade are forcrd/bullied into it,thought about just going home and reading a damn book instead of debasing myself and someone else. Sitting around reading now but feeling weird and my thoughts are all over,think I'll go for a walk.
Well I've made it one week,today is day eight. I couldn't believe how hard yesterday was,it was all I was thinking about all day. I'm coming down with a cold now,so hopefully that will kill my drive enough to relax from the built up pressure from yesterday. Getting harder and harder to redirect my thoughts though.
Today is day ten, had a cold for a few days,been feeling to tired and shitty to get triggered by anything. I don't know if it is just the cold,but I've been feeling a lot calmer from a few days ago,being sick never stopped me from pmo before,so maybe I'm starting to level out a bit. Been doing a lot of reading in my spare time. I read a post the other day,i think it was called "3 mistake rebooted make". One of them was thinking about not watching porn=thinking about porn. That's definitely me for sure. Getting back into reading has helped a lot but that can get pretty boring sometimes, need to find more to do with my time.
That's why I started this. I'm thirty years old and I never knew what to do with my life. Hoping things get better with Nofap
Personally I can remember being like this before I ever heard of porn,i was always a bad student with no sense of urgency or importance around my school work,also with not the greatest social skills,usually only having a couple friends at most due to being introverted,and having a poor attitude about girls,because I thought they were all mean (I couldn't see the forest for the few mean trees lol). I think porn has been a way to feel good for a few moments and escape from feelings of loneliness,inadequacy,anger,depression,and the bad childhood memories I couldn't put aside. If course as most people here know,the good feeling doesn't last,and only solidifies the negative feelings you already have. I feel if I can conquer this,that will be only the first step towards becoming a real man.
Today is day twelve. In a couple days I will have exceeded my longest streak,one I had before I began Nofap officially. Looking forward to that. One of the hardest things is the incessant voice in my head saying this isn't worth it,that there's no harm in a little pmo,that it could be a reward for lasting this long. Lately when I see something triggering,i try to tell myself the the real reward for Nofap is acheiving social and sexual normalcy,that will be much more satisfying than any few moments of amusement pmo might give. Well on with the struggle, good luck all.
I relapsed hard yesterday and today. Feeling pretty shitty,but trying not to get carried away,as depression will likely only lead me right back to pmo. Almost as soon as I started watching, it was like I could feel myself getting dumber,but couldn't stop. Since, I've had a dull,fuzzy feeling in my head,almost like my brain is being squeezed or something. Had no motivation to accomplish the things I wanted to today. Getting back on the wagon,if only I could remember how shitty I feel right now when I get urges.
Better thanks,just feel so dumb for throwing away the last eleven clean days. Recurring trigger image keeps popping in my head, the chaser effect is in full swing. Just have to weather the storm for a bit,hopefully get back in the swing in a couple days. Thanks D.J it must be hard to keep up with all the new people you are following! How are you doing?
There are a number being I am following, at least for awhile. As I notice any given person has been found by a good group of encouraging guys (either a larger group or even a few), I'll taper off. I mainly am interested in making sure the new guys, the lonely guys, guys who are really down on themselves and those who have relapsed and recently rebooted don't feel abandoned at their weakest point due do no one having given them a "like" or a message of encouragement. I know that in time someone will do it, it was being done before I joined NoFap, but I want to be a bridge until the calvary arrives. The triggers are going to come. If you are having the same triggers, realize that you need to prepare for the next time. If loneliness is a trigger, how will you handle that next time? Prepare for it well before it occurs with several different options. Don't be hard on yourself! Allow each slip become a steppingstone of wisdom that you use for yourself going forward. [knowledge is a lesson experienced, wisdom is learning from that lesson and applying the next time] You didn't throw away the last eleven days if it leads to you lasting 22 days or even 12 days next time!
