I go 40-50 days clean, then I relapse. This has been the pattern for this year so far. I've been reading, praying, studying, and working constantly. I blame myself, I just need advice because my libido is really high and difficult to deal with in the rare chance I get to sit down and deal with it. I've been feeling more isolated, too, but I push through because feelings are not accurate. There's nothing to sugar-coat, I've sacrificed my seed, and I'm ashamed that there is a pattern of this to begin with. I feel pathetic for even thinking 50 days clean is an accomplishment, or something important to mention. I should not be having this problem at all, this is dissapointing. I really need some help, any advice? Thank you
I’m not trying to belittle your issues, but I think you’re being extremely harsh on yourself. Going 40-50 day between lapses, I think, is a good indication of progress being made. Unfortunately, we’re not angelic beings; we have the cross of our body and passions to carry. I think what will determine if this burden is light or heavy will be our purpose for carrying it. Our we doing it out of love or some other reason?
Your 40 or 5O days is in incredible mate. Congratulations! Shame is the route to the devils dungeon. You are better than this. God knows it, I Know it. Listen to the Logos (God). Listen to your thoughts with reason/ rationality. That's the Holy spirit. Be careful to listen to your emotions without reason/ rationality. I would say this is the devils play ground... Good luck and God bless.
Yea concentrate on what progress you e made. What have you been doing in that time to develop your life? What are you hoping will happen if you hold it in any longer? Do you have fetishes you want to rid yourself of or poor erection quality?
Good point, and great question. Sometimes I wish I was an angelic being free from this lol, but it is what it is. My "why" has became more selfless, I don't want to hurt others or be selfish and live with cheap pleasure. Thank you Thank you, and you're right. I just want to please Him and it I get so angry when this happens. But it's already happened so I just have to move forward and do better. Thank you for responding... I work a lot.. I see growth in all areas of my life (except socially, but I don't relate to most people anyway, and I'm usually too busy to 'hang out' if I wanted to), I'm definitely improving. People respect me, but my private life is just as important as my public one, and I hate having secrets/hiding things. As for your last question, there is one fetish I'd consider not normal, and I don't know why I keep going back. I hate saying "my libido is always high, blah blah" all the time like a sorry excuse. Sounds stupid lol, I need to get a grip. But ulitmately, I'm just trying to be a better man, the best man I can possibly be, be a man of integrity that does right even at night in bed when I'm tired, and be husband/father material. Good, strong men/husbands/fathers/leaders don't fap or waste their time fantasizing. I don't get much down time but I still manage to relapse. I've seen people go 500+ days so I know it's possible, and I don't have an excuse. With all that said, I relapsed again today... I have no one to blame but myself, could be doing something more productive, but instead I'm talking about me jerking off, how embarrassing
Sounds like you’ve done well for yourself. But if you keep busting your own balls “real men/leaders don’t do it (im not a real man) need to get a grip!” you are going to need a release to get away from that strict nagging mind. And probably with material that affirms some core beliefs- is it t p or femdom you’re into a ya any chance? We all have a nagging mind but if you were a leader and one of your men was really struggling I’m pretty sure you’d be more encouraging and motivating towards them. Could you give yourself some compassion, forgive yourself for having natural urges and big up all the things you’re doing well at?
May I suggest a program called 'Covenant Eyes'. All the courses are free. If you type it in the search engine. It's Catholic in orientation. But very helpful for any Christian. Has helped me a lot. It may give you a good routine and framework. To keep you focused. Also I would recommend Jordan Peterson's YouTube bible series on Genesis and Exodus. If your looking for over all self improvement. Good luck and God speed.
Yes, I have issues wth both of those fetishes, especially the videos where attractive women talk down to me/humiliate me verbally. And you're right, I've been more encouraging to others with similar issues that I face. I feel I should know better, but I can't control the past. I'll work on easing up on myself. Thank you, and I appreciate the video also. This is my second time hearing about this program, I should check it out then. The biggest issue for me is just my thoughts/imaginations that lead to PMO. I really don't care for p*rn, and have gone good periods of time without it, it all starts with my thoughts. This is probably why I'm so hard on myself. I'll check out those videos also once I get some free time. Thank you
Love is patient and kind, not jealous, not boastful, not proud, rude or selfish, not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not gloat over other people’s sins but takes its delight in the truth. Love always bears up, always trusts, always hopes, always endures.- 1Cor. 13:4-7 Consider that we have an obligation to love ourselves, as well as others. So, be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself. At the same time, don’t boast privately to yourself or be selfish. It’s a balance.
The negative feelings you have is the addiction talking, not you. It speaks with your voice, and it might seem like you, but it's not. Once you realise this is becomes easier to ignore the voice and keep pushing forward. Being able to get to such a good streak consistently is what you ought to be focusing on, not the occasional mistakes. The addiction wants you to fixate on failure because it makes it easier to fall back into bad behaviour.
Interesting perspective... I just came across a sermon today and it made me really convicted. I keep getting that convicted feeling and I'm tired of it. I know it's wrong, and I've been fighting this for 7 years. I keep hearing the same things.. "Do x, y, and z to fight lust".. I should be over this by now. Seems like I'm doing something wrong, to even experience some freedom then now I'm really struggling again. [Part of this is me venting, I try to be strong but lately I've been low on energy though I push myself] Thank you for responding, I'll really try to keep this in mind because a lot of the time I hate myself. Brings to mind Romans 7:15-20. Thank you, I do realize I need to stay strong. This is really burning me out along with a lot of other things going on in my life, but there's no excuse. I appreciate this response, I can' change the past.
I feel your pain dude and am in a similar position. Had a bad relapse on P over the weekend as a way to not contact an escort etc. It’s so depressing after. Therapy session tomorrow and will get that p site blocked.
Yea same here femdom and trans- a good way for my inner critic to flog myself. ADHD strict parents, low confidence, bullying. Grief. Mine is more seductive soft dom almost like good cop but still dark, controlling and manipulative. I seek the anxiety yet get annoyed with myself when I get anxious in real life. I seek letting go for a bit and a confident woman taking control and making me feel safe I guess. Mother issues maybe. Life is so f ing tough. But I’ve kept getting back up for years and pushing forward. My streaks may not be epic but I’ve come a long way. I write a gratitude list of 5 things every morning to a friend and a list of jobs that need doing. This gives me some motivation. I’m very lonely though (sorry if I’m making this about me )
No worries man, this is a safe space to vent so we don't burden others with our issues... I relate, and also have issues with the mommy/ soft-dom stuff because of some life events also.... This is bad though because it skews our view of relationships. I doubt a woman would want to be a grown man's domme/mommy lmao. That's good you're pushing forward. Thanks for the advice, I'll try the gratitude list. I will say, when I vent to God, my tears always end in praise. I'm lonely too a lot of times... this is just a season to improve ourselves I guess
I probably do.. been trying to do this on my own for a while. When my schedule frees up I should be able to properly engage as a partner
