So recently I just got to know that I have PIED. I have been consuming porn since 14-15 years of age and now I’m 24. I have a gf from like 3 years. I love her immensely and she’s the kindest soul I’ve ever come across. So I have told her that I’m dealing with this issue and she’s very supportive. So recently, we were having some fight due to some social media issue. She said if you’ll use social media accounts, then you’ll be more prone to these pics and stuff and eventually you’ll relapse. So I said that’s what I want to control. So she made an issue of this and said you’re still “controlling” this. And kept on saying things like you still get aroused by these pics and all. I’m try to get out of this PIED problem from a long time and failing day after day. Now she wants to break up because she thinks I still get aroused by other women, but I told her I don’t get aroused by other women now and that was me sometime before. I’ve came out of this already and I had deactivated all my social media accounts from the last 5 months or so. So now she wants to break up and she’s saying you het aroused by other woman, when I’m all here with you, which is not the case but she strongly believes that. So what should I do now, I love her so much but she thinks that I’m here looking at other girl’s pictures and get aroused. Please give me some advice.
Well realistically that’s exactly what you’ve been doing your entire relationship to the point you can’t even get aroused by a real woman . Just because you’ve stopped now doesn’t change that. The only advice is showing her through behaviors that you have stopped and are working at recovery. She may still not want to be with you. What have you done to make her feel like you have changed ?
No it’s not exactly like that, we took a break in between for like 1 year, so it’s like 2 years we were together, then we took a break for 1 year(so actually she broke up with me due to her career options), then we came again together. I was not consuming porn and other stuff in those 2 years time period when we were together, I started watching porn after we broke up and I was totally depressed due to that and I thought porn would get me relief. But when we came back together after our breakup, I again stopped watching porn and but I still masturbated while on call with her or just by imagining her sometimes and I refrained from Porn and sexual images or any other stuff. And this all is happening.
Ah, ok that’s not how you made it sound. Idk, if she’s already broken up with you before it doesn’t t sound like she’s that committed?
no that’s not the point. She is super committed to me and she loves me so much. It’s just she’s an over thinker and she is insecure about me and again this whole PMO and PIED thing made it worse. So now she thinks I get aroused by other women because when she said if you’ll end up on Instagram it will worsen your condition and you would see some explicit pics and maybe it will lead you to masturbate again. So on that note, I said that’s the thing which I want to control. Now from this she interpreted that I’m saying i want to control not to get aroused by those women and she said you are still getting aroused by other women even if we’re together. I am already depressed by my condition and then this shit is also happening at the same time. I just don’t know what to do, but also I don’t want to lose her at any cost. She’s the LOML and always will be. So what’s the safest way through?
I mean did you delete all social media? That’s a first step. Lock down your phone or switch to a flip phone? I’m confused what led up to this?
I have never met anyone who was serious about their PMO recovery that still used social media casually for entertainment. Social media is designed to be addictive trash. Put it where it belongs, in the dumpster.
@Psalm27:1my light and @Be Inspired so actually it’s been 6-7 months that I’ve stopped using instagram, but today only i started using instagram again because i used to post singing covers and really wanted to continue that. That’s the only reason that I reactivated my instagram and posted a cover on it. But I’ve dedided to deactivate it again. And please give me some real tips for PMO. I want to hey rid of this shit and never see this path again.
I wouldn't expect every woman to be so supportive that they opt to stay in a relationship with a self professing porn user. She cannot help but accept your confession as irrefutable evidence against you. Let her go. Stop loving her and move on. And cut off all contact. Accept this as a real consequence for your behavior. Relationships are co-created. One person doesn't get to wholly decide if the relationship survives. But if one person desires to end it, then that's it. And don't get into a new relationship until you can master control of your sexual urges. Because there's a high chance that the next woman to pop into your life will not have any acceptance or understanding for this behavior. I'm sorry. I wish reality was not so harsh. Just being honest.
He confessed it to her. And I wouldn't blame her for being suspicious because his PIED hasn't gone away.
Just my experience here, I also used PMO as a way to cope with breakups, and also when in the "honeymoon" phase of a new relationship, my p cravings were zero. Now I've never struggled with PIED, but I imagine that this is no different than my experiences, even though I felt no desire for PMO in those exciting times of a relationship, the effects of the addiction most definitely were still there. I don't think it's an uncommon issue for pied to follow you into the relationship after this time where you were using again. It probably is going to take a while to rectify your pied issue, but from what I've read it's very doable. So keep your head up on that man, and don't fall back into a PMO coping phase if you do in fact break up.
I'm not sure if I'm following this correctly, but the issue is that you no longer use porn but thanks to past porn use you now have PIED. And when you couldn't get it up with this girl, she took the hump. Is that about right? Here's my solution. Take a pill for it. Just to get you back on the horse. Use boner pills to start having sex and your brain will hopefully rewire over time into associating arousal with normal sexual contact. If that doesn't work, go to a doctor and get your hormones tested. Above all things, refrain from PMO. As for the girl, as long as you're not still using PMO behind her back, I think you're at perfect liberty to renew your courtship. If you can give her the ole heave-ho I reckon a lot of these concerns go away. If not, lick your wounds and find another one.
My ex was like this. She was older than me and was so insecure about our age gap. She thought she couldn't compete with younger women and expected me to leave her. I did my best to convince I wouldn't do it, but we became so miserable together. So much damage was done by her insecurity, and I should have ended it much sooner. So my advice would be is to let her go. The end of relationships is super sad, and I thought my world had ended without her, but it didn't. It's been 8 or 9 years since the relationship ended and looking back I'm glad it did. I could tell you that you'll find someone new, but that might not be the case. I haven't found someone new, but being single is better than being in a relationship with a woman who's so insecure. I hope one day I will find someone new who I can spend the rest of my life with, but reading this threads reminds me how awful relationships can be.
When I didn’t get it up when we were trying to have sex, she was not upset about it and was very supportive. So at that particular instance, she said it happens sometimes, and cuddled me. She is very supportive and understands me completely. I’m not justifying that whatever I do is because of the past porn abuse. I know eventually it’s me who’s gonna fight with it, so no matter what happens I’m want to heal in whatever time it will take. And about the pills, I’ve heard that pills doesn’t work in PIED case. Now I don’t know about this and what pills should I take? Are there any side effects if I take these pills?
It’s very difficult for women to not feel insecure with the way media is and the way younger girls dress now. Porn and media has the image of what a woman’s body should look like and perform like stagnated at a very small age range of 18-22. How can we not feel insecure while men are salivating over only one age? When men on here are destroying their relationships forming addictions to that very age image. Media, social media and porn are robbing us women of the security to age with grace and feel secure that our partners can maintain attraction to us through life changes like bearing children and aging. My husband will be clean for 5 years this summer. We’ve been together for 24 years now. Just had our 5th child. And I am terrified of aging any further. I’m on the cusp of starting to not look young anymore and I find myself sick over it. Because even though I think I look better than I did when we met (babies give you real curves and a glow that even youth can’t give), in 10-20 years I won’t be able to compete anymore ever. It’s a scary, scary thing to know that I literally won’t be able to compete and the crap is everywhere. Gone are the days where we are free from the constant source to be compared to. Please don’t boil it down to some horrible defect that women have, because it’s really hard to not be afraid and anxious given what we now have to compete with. When you’ve been sold down the river to a screen already thanks to this addiction, it’s really hard to not have anxiety and fear.
