Bingles New Journal - How I am coming to Christ

Last post I might have rambled on a bit. But tl;dr this is it.

 

John 15:18 is possibly the greatest example of the Truth and Love of God. Easily one of my most favourite verses within the Bible.

 

John 15:18-21 - "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated Me first" - Jesus is the embodiment of perfection, the second Adam - reclaiming us from our sinful world. Even in our damned world, we know we can turn to Christ who was hated first and most of all, crucified and spat upon by His own creations. He who was resurrected, triumphant above death and sin. We know that nothing we feel now is permanent, we do not belong to this sinful damned world. We belong only to God and His Heavenly Kingdom. We can depend on Christ's Love and Sacrifice for salvation, that which we are all unworthy but gifted because of God's Love for His creation. No matter how big our struggle God will carry us through it all. When we reject the world, we are alive.

Proverbs 1:15-16 and 1 Peter 4:3-5 are also incredibly eye-opening. It's what truly distinguishes Christianity from all other faiths. A true testament to God's Love and Word of Truth. Pagan "religions" are all obsessed with matters of the world, of wealth and splendor and fertility. All made up folklore tales and stories, each with Gods and Goddesses local to their own culture convenient to them. One for each need and desire, one for each passion of lust and greed. Do you think the ancient Greeks climbed the mountains expecting to see Zeus on his throne in Olympus with his many wives? No, it was a fantasy to justify their sinful ways. Christ's word preaches not an indulgence in matters material to our world, but a Death to the World.

“The world” is the general name for all the passions. When we wish to call the passions by a common name, we call them the world. But when we wish to distinguish them by their special names, we call them passions. The passions are the following: love of riches, desire for possessions, bodily pleasure from which comes sexual passion, love of honor which gives rise to envy, lust for power, arrogance and pride of position, the craving to adorn oneself with luxurious clothes and vain ornaments, the itch for human glory which is a source of rancor and resentment, and physical fear. Where these passions cease to be active, there the world is dead…. Someone has said of the Saints that while alive they were dead; for though living in the flesh, they did not live for the flesh. See for which of these passions you are alive. Then you will know how far you are alive to the world, and how far you are dead to it.”

- St Isaac the Syrian (7th Century)

 

I wish I never felt an attraction to men. I wish I felt nothing at all, like a blank slate. I give in so easily to my impulses but I know there's more to life than this. Please God.

 

For me, it's a comfort for my weaknesses and trauma. Being able to cuddle in with and submit to a man stronger than you - the man you can't be. I feel empty and numb whenever I give the urges attention. Trying to emulate a better existence when it isn't possible. Lust isn't love and the flesh is not divine. A man's touch will never be the same to me. There is no purpose to it other than a love for the flesh and not of Christ. Christ's love is not lustful but platonic, like a Father's love. I wish I could hug Christ and he could tell me that everything is okay. He knows me better than I know myself.

 

It's banned where I live, the People's Republic of Scotland forbids it lol. I've thought about going to my local parish but I don't speak a lick of Romanian and they're priests; not therapists.

 

I'll give it a go, thank you zilean.