Day 383 Had a good day yesterday. Went to see my girl in the city during her lunchbreak and took her for a lunch walk with a deliciously prepared lunch. She really appreciated it and ate the lunch in the office. I started the day by going for a run and was so happy that I finally started, that I did it first thing in the morning. My girl voiced her concerns that it wouldn't be good to do it first thing in the morning, but I couldn't let it in. We had different needs at that moment that didn't really get met. We spoke about it and I could eventually let this go and see why my girl was so concerned. Workout: day 276 Did my pushups before the shower and before I went to the toilet. Didn't have to go to the toilet that often unfortunately. No workout. Perhaps today again. Walking: day 283 Took a 23+ min walk in the afternoon and took a 23+ min walk in the evening. Also did my 7 min bike ride. I even walked through the city with my girl and started the day by going for a short run. Lots of movement yesterday. Screentime: day 283 2:17 hours on Whatsapp (calling with my girlfriend) and 0:10 hours on the Internet Lying: day 63 Put yourself in her shoes first and try to feel what she needs from you. If you can't empathize with her, it can be that you are too starved for empathy yourself. You can take the chance of saying that you want to show her the empathy she deserves, but that you are too starved for this yourself at the moment. Meditation: day 373 4 sessions. 62 minutes. PMO study: day 383 Read in NVC, a language of life about the power of empathy (chapter 8). The writer gives examples of life changing empathy where a moment of empathy really changed the lives of those they listened to. One example is of a principal who really takes the time to listen to a kid. The principal realized herself that one moment of empathy is so much more important than the meeting she was running late for. I find it striking how something so simple can be so healing. Sleep: day 239 Didn't sleep very well last night. Neck ache didn't subside. I remembered that I got two neck exercises from the physiotherapist. Will do them today and will see if it changes anything. Healthy eating: day 239 Sugar day yesterday. Ate some chocolate. Cooked Asian stir fry for dinner. Cold showers: day 283 Took two lukewarm showers yesterday. Still a bit careful about my neck.
Day 384 Picked my girl up very early and she worked from my home the whole day. In the afternoon I went to the psychiatrist for an appointment and it was the first time that my girl didn't join us. My girl warned me to not be too open to the psychiatrist, because they do not only listen but also make a risk assessment. That felt good and I had a good conversation with the psychiatrist. I prepared my visit by writing down some stuff from my childhood and told him. It made for a good conversation. Workout: day 277 Did my pushups before the shower and before I went to the toilet and did a workout. Walking: day 284 Took a walk in the afternoon after the psychiatrist appointment in a nearby park and took a 10+ min walk in the evening. No 7 min bike ride. Screentime: day 284 0:53 hours on Whatsapp (calling with my girlfriend) and 0:10 hours on the Internet Lying: day 64 Empathize with your partner. It might sound like an impossible assignment, but it is possible. Put yourself in her shoes first and think about the hurt she might feel. Don't punish yourself by feeling guilty, but find a way in which you can become stronger and thrive. Your partner needs a responsible and stable man, not a man full of pain, guilt and self-pity. Meditation: day 374 3 sessions. 60 minutes. PMO study: day 384 Read in NVC, a language of life about the power of empathy (chapter 8). The writer gives examples of how empathy can literally save a life by speaking about a woman in St. Louis who averted a rape by staying calm and saying how scared and horrible she felt. The man kept demanding her to take her clothes off and she kept on saying how she felt. This eventually led the man to stop being violent and only ask for her purse. Sleep: day 240 I spoke about the physiotherapists exercises yesterday, but did not do them. Have an ache in my neck, despite my new pillow. I have to get used to my new pillow probably. If it is.the wrong pillow, I can always change it. Healthy eating: day 240 No sugar day yesterday. Leftover Asian stir fry for dinner. Cold showers: day 284 Two lukewarm showers. Am trying to get a bit colder again today
Day 385 My girl had a tough day yesterday with some family trouble. I sat on the tip of my seat at home to see how I could support her. I eventually decided to make her brownies and pick her up for a walk in the evening. Upon giving the brownie, it turned out to be too salty. I ate 8 pieces myself and will chuck it away. My girl also wanted to walk at a specific place and I was hesitant as my ex lives near that place. Instead of saying this, I started to evade her gaze and just didn't answer her questions. I felt really bad from hiding it from her and I eventually told her. She was triggered by me withholding information and we spoke about this. I don't want to be like that anymore. Truth upfront works best. Workout: day 278 Did my pushups before the shower and before I went to the toilet. No workout. Walking: day 285 Took a 23+ min walk in the afternoon, the long stroll with my girl in the evening and a short stroll before my evening meditation. Did my 7+ min bike ride! Screentime: day 285 3:29 hours on Whatsapp (calling with my girlfriend) and 0:01 hours on the Internet Lying: day 65 Come with the truth upfront. Feel what lying does to you and decide to end that horrible pain by speaking the truth. You may think that you are protecting your partner from something, while you actually lie to cover yourself. Meditation: day 375 3 sessions. 60 minutes. PMO study: day 385 Read in NVC, a language of life about the power of empathy (chapter 8). The writer gives examples in showing empathy in unlikely settings. He speaks of mediating between members of a street gang and said that he spoke out his feelings of being hurt. The members mocked him for showing his feelings. The writer kept on empathizing with how the members felt: ‘Do you feel irritated by me showing my feelings, because you are sick and tired of having people manipulate you and your feelings?’ The writer then said that the members felt really understood and appreciated and called him the best speaker they ever had. Their counselor was struck and whispered to the writer: ‘But you didn't even speak’. The writer demonstrated that understanding and acknowledging one's feelings is what is most important in NVC. Sleep: day 241 Still didn't do the exercises. Want to start today. Went to bed late, but still within boundaries. Slept okay I guess. Neck ache. Healthy eating: day 241 I cheated on my sugar day yesterday, so I'm switching my sugar days. Yesterday was a sugar day instead of Friday. I had homemade brownies and they were, although a bit salty, really really really good. Cold showers: day 285 Two lukewarm showers. No exciting adventures here yesterday.
Day 386 Had a good day yesterday and talked with my girl in the evening. I was defensive and couldn't let it go at that moment. It subsided a bit later and we could speak normally again. Workout: day 279 Did my pushups before the shower and before I went to the toilet. Also did my workout. Walking: day 286 Took a 23+ min walk in the afternoon and a 15+ min walk before my evening meditation. Did my 7+ min bike ride Screentime: day 286 3:18 hours on Whatsapp (calling with my girlfriend) and 0:08 hours on the Internet Lying: day 66 Speak openly and don't defend. It can be very difficult, but you have to try Meditation: day 376 3 sessions. 60 minutes. PMO study: day 386 Read in YBOP about supernormal stimuli. P is made to seem like the perfect version of sex. It is all about making the most riveting scenarios, but it's all fake. Most people who are informed in making P do so because they need the money. We need to overcome the horrible pull, because it will otherwise eat us alive. Sleep: day 242 Went to bed early but overslept. Slept okay I guess. Neck ache. Healthy eating: day 242 No sugar day yesterday. Cold showers: day 286 Two lukewarm showers. No exciting adventures.
Day 387 My girl and I talked a lot about me lying to her 2 days ago. She was still emotional and noticed that it gave rise to many other painful thoughts and emotions. We spoke through it. It was difficult, but I guess we went through it thoroughly. Workout: day 280 Did my pushups before the shower and before I went to the toilet. No workout. Walking: day 287 Took a long walk in the afternoon with my girl and a short walk before my evening meditation. Didn’t do my 7+ min bike ride Screentime: day 287 0:51 hours on Whatsapp (calling with my girlfriend) and 0:04 hours on the Internet Lying: day 0 Resetted my counter. Lied to my girl 2 days ago. We were about to walk in a park where I knew my ex lives near. Instead of honestly telling her, I evaded the question, drove off to a different place and told her 10 minutes later. It hurts her that I was able to still lie to her after 387 days. I think this is one of the things the psychiatrist has to help me with. Meditation: day 377 2 sessions. 45 minutes. PMO study: day 387 Read in Your Brain On Porn about the mountains of evidence that is now present about the dangers of doing PMO. It is so devious, because it feels good to watch it. This is because your brain can't distinguish pixels from the real thing. Our brain has not evolved to handle the challenges of high speed internet pr0n. Sleep: day 243 Went to bed late and my neck hurts. Stupid pillow Healthy eating: day 243 Sugar day yesterday and I ate all kinds of stuff Cold showers: day 287 Two lukewarm showers.
Day 388 Woke up early to bring my girl to her nail appointment. Waited for her in the car and took a few walks, listened to the radio, meditated and bought some lunch. After the appointment we went for a lunch walk in a beautiful park in the neighborhood and then went to my parents. Workout: day 281 Did my pushups before the shower and before I went to the toilet. Again, no workout. Walking: day 288 Took a 15+ min walk in the afternoon, took a 30+min walk with my girl in the park and a short walk before my evening meditation. Didn’t do my 7+ min bike ride. Screentime: day 288 0:30 hours on Whatsapp (calling with my girlfriend) and 0:09 hours on the Internet Lying: day 1 It is important to speak openly with your partner. If you don't, you will resent her for feeling this way. If your partner can't speak out, she will resent you for feeling this way. Meditation: day 378 3 sessions. 30 minutes. PMO study: day 388 Read in NVC, a language of life. I don't know how the chapter is called, but it is chapter 9. I practiced the NVC process with my dad. He became an open book and spoke about his disappointments and his sorrows which he would usually keep to himself. It is true what is said in the book: ‘Most people just want someone to really listen to them and acknowledge what they're feeling’ Sleep: day 244 Went to bed late and my neck still hurts. I guess I need to switch pillows. Healthy eating: day 244 No sugar day yesterday, but I cheated a bit. I ate some ice cream. Cold showers: day 288 I took one lukewarm shower.
Day 14 I feel like complete crap lol like dead inside . I’ve added daily non negotiables - 8km walk = 10,000+ steps -50 push ups - 3L water looking to add more at some point. I started 170.5 pounds last weigh in 168.5 pounds
Glad to see your sustained progress I wonder if at some point, it might make sense to start listing your progress in weeks...
So, the only way is up! Your brain is resisting your progress, because it wants you to do the thing that makes it feel good (PMO). However, as long as you don't give in, it will find other sources of Dopamine and balance itself out. Day 14 is incredible dude! Keep going!
Day 389 Picked up my girl to initially practice job interviews with her, but we spent the whole afternoon talking about my defensiveness. I felt put down by a certain tone of voice that my girl had because I forgot the arrangement that I would pick her up immediately after an appointment I had. That made me defensive. We spent the whole afternoon talking about that. Workout: day 282 Today was a rest day. Walking: day 289 Took a short stroll in the evening. Screentime: day 289 1:26 hours on Whatsapp (calling with my girlfriend) and 0:16 hours on the Internet (checking a burger recipe for dinner) Lying: day 2 It is important to not get defensive. It might seem unfair that you are always the one that needs to watch his tongue, while you think you need to swallow everything she says. And the answer is that you actually ‘should’. Your partner is continually triggered by your words and needs to know that she can safely show her emotions without you becoming upset. It is an important cornerstone of trust building Meditation: day 379 3 sessions. 59 minutes. PMO study: day 389 Read in Worthy of her Trust. I initially swore to burn this book, but I got it back out of the closet. It is actually a very good representation of how the partner feels when the man is sexually acting out his addiction. I guess I found it too confronting. I try to let it in more. Sleep: day 245 Didn't sleep well. I snore and my neck hurts. Healthy eating: day 245 No sugar day yesterday. Cold showers: day 289 I took two lukewarm showers
Are these daily non-negotiables easy to do for you? If so, then this may be a very good way to push yourself. If it is too big of a stretch, you can work with daily goals that are easier to complete. In this way you build self esteem and create personal power.
Yeah not to hard though I’m a bit sore lots of walking aha but I’ve been doing some of these things for a few weeks now!
Yes, sounds like it. Flatline will end. Dopamine will get better. All will get better as long as you hold on.
Day 390 Had some resistance with my homework yesterday. I set out to make a start with my daily action plan and what I need to do to confront myself. Some things pulled me away from the task because I felt some strong feelings. Workout: day 283 I did my push ups before the shower and the push ups before my toilet visits. No workout, but I will do a workout today again. Walking: day 290 Took my afternoon walk of 23+ min and a 23+ min walk in the evening. Did my 7+ min bike ride. Screentime: day 290 2:50 hours on Whatsapp (calling with my girlfriend) and 0:27 hours on the Internet (checking a burger recipe, responding on NF) Lying: day 3 See which actions give you resistance. These are probably the points most worthwhile to focus on. If you feel resistance to be honest, for example, make sure that you strive to be honest. Also find out why you have difficulty doing this. Meditation: day 380 4 sessions. 65 minutes. PMO study: day 390 Read in Worthy of her Trust. The writer speaks about how he got into the mess. He explains that he was very young when he saw his first p magazine and escalated from there. He started to become sexually active in high school and had multiple partners during college. When he started to work, his addiction slowly took over and it made sure that he fit his whole life around acting out. He would frequently go on business trips and be with the client from 7 am to 7 pm, would go to his hotel room, watch porn and do hook up apps until 1 am, would go out to meet a hook up until 3 am and would continue watching porn until 7 am. Sleep: day 246 Slept okay. My neck hurts. Healthy eating: day 246 Sugar day yesterday. Had Kinder chocolate and KitKat. Cold showers: day 290 I took two lukewarm showers.
