TL;DR: I still need a good reason not to masturbate, and I still believe I need it. I guess perhaps it's a personal preference not to masturbate. I managed to quit p (haven't been to a single p site in over a year, and haven't used psub in over 6 months), however I'm still struggling to quit masturbation. The problem is I just haven't found a good strong reason (or reasons) not to masturbate (unlike p), and the cravings of masturbation in bed are still really strong (as it was/still is a strong habit built for over 10 years now). I've tried to come up with reasons not to masturbate but they all seem superficial to me. Is there an actual good reason to quit masturbation forever? However I remember thinking why would I quit p, if it's "so good", and I guess you can apply the same logic to masturbation. I can, and have abstained from alcohol, p, social media, and I can imagine a future without any of those things, but masturbation is still consistently really hard to quit. I still can't imagine quitting masturbation forever (maybe that's part of the problem, I still believe I need to masturbate for some reason). I have managed to go a few weeks in the past without masturbation, and it started to feel good mentally during abstinence, but then relapse, and it's back to shitty mental health again, and back to the same masturbation relapse loop. I once abstained so far in masturbation that I got the thinking that I'm never orgasming again until I have sex, but the new stress of that made me masturbate again (and now I realised I orgasm anyway during wet-dreams). I've found during wet-dreams (after a good abstinence from masturbation), I have had dreams of actual sex, and in the dream was real intimacy with a women I love. Wet-dreams I found are FAR more meaningful and pleasurable than shitty masturbation. However they take a while to "kick in", they come in randomly, and sometimes I wet-dream without even dreaming. And also I found that when I'm "excited" and "looking forward" to the next wet-dream, the damn thing never arrives. It's only when I'm not thinking about wet-dreaming that it occurs, so I guess lack of patience is also why I masturbate rather than just wet-dream it out. I guess another reason why I keep masturbating is because my head is saying "masturbate or you will feel like shit", or "masturbate or you'll get too horny", or especially "remember this flashback? why not masturbate to it or you'll miss out" or some shit, when in reality in my experience it's the complete opposite. I think also a bad motivation for me is the conflicting evidence. Some people say quitting masturbation had little to no effect, while other's say the complete opposite. I hate to say it, but maybe placebo effect and constant group reassurance is part of it? (such as listing out common masturbation benefits). However I have had good personal experience with quitting masturbation. Maybe it's the brain taking a break and healing up from consistent shitty orgasms or something. I guess one good motivator for quitting masturbation is not allowing yourself to masturbate and fantasize to p flashbacks (and irl flashbacks, such as women in provocative clothing). I have found a few weeks of masturbation abstinence, the p flashbacks got insane for a while (I started to remember literally everything over the past 10 years from beginning to end), but then it slowly faded away, until of course relapse, and the cycle starts over.
you need to develop other ways of getting dopamine. hobbies, nature, movies, friends. you gotta build a different reward circuit for your brain, otherwise you will stay trapped in whatever addiction you have.
I think at this point it's more a personal preference to stop masturbating, and having the discipline to go through the cravings to quit. Quitting p has been a preference out of reason, however quitting masturbation seems to be more a personal choice.
From years of personal experience, M has the same side effects of P. It's a cheap dopamine activity that can give you pleasure without any effort, exactly like pornography. And here in this forum we have thousands of witnesses of what happens to the life of someone who do something too pleasurable too often. Also, you will feel a lot better without PMO, not just abstaining from P. Your body change, you think better, etc.
I agree, from experience, abstaining from both P and M has had a much larger positive impact on mental health than simply abstaining from P. Abstinence from P is a good start, but abstinence from all PMO is much better.
"I have managed to go a few weeks in the past without masturbation, and it started to feel good mentally during abstinence, but then relapse, and it's back to shitty mental health again, and back to the same masturbation relapse loop." That's a good reason to stop Having wet dreams instead of solitary MO are way better, and I think it's a good and natural substitute to MO. So a good tip to you is building daily patience. Don't profane/desecrate the image (mental image, flashback, visual image) of Women. That's my reason. All Women, even the ones in provocative clothes, deserve our respect.
I think another thing that makes abstinence from PMO way more powerful than simply P, is that abstaining from all PMO means that you're not physically releasing in a sexual way, forcing you to live without sexual release for a while. I guess this means the brain can finally breath and heal up from constant crappy sexual release all the time.
Yes, I have found that during full PMO abstinence, I started to feel "fuller", and then relapse, and I was coincidentally a LOT more tired the next morning. Not placebo "oh I released therefore I'm tired", it was literal tiredness.
It seems like "shitty mental health" would be a pretty solid, non-superficial reason not to masturbate. Why second-guess all the other rational reasons for quitting if you already know it makes you feel horrible? You have your own experiential data at your fingertips--when you masturbate, you feel like garbage. When you abstain, you feel better. But if you want other reasons, here are some that I remind myself of: sex is meant to be a shared experience with another person, whereas masturbating is an inherently isolating experience focused on self. because it's essentially available to me anytime, anywhere, masturbation conditions me toward instant gratification and to expect a sexual release every time I feel aroused. It makes you act like a spoiled child or a bratty entitled teenager instead of a functional adult who can delay gratification for a more important goal. When I'm honest with myself, often masturbation is actually 'procrasturbation,' where I'm doing it to avoid other, more important things I should be doing. in my opinion, it's just fundamentally a shameful, beta activity. Next time you see a character in a movie or a TV show jerking off, take note of how the character is depicted: is it a strong, capable, confident man? Never. It's always some pathetic schlub. I don't want to be that guy. It leaves me with far less energy to attack my day in the way I'd prefer. Why engage in a behavior that leaves me feeling constantly lethargic? Try this mental hack: when you get an urge to masturbate, close your eyes and imagine you're watching a video of yourself doing it. Don't associate with the behavior as if you're there, doing it in the moment--watch yourself as if you're a third party, watching a screen. What does that look like to you? Does it look like a man being his best self? Or does it look sad and pathetic? Now imagine you're watching that same screen, and sitting behind you are all the women you've ever had a crush on, also watching. Are they impressed?
