35 and Older Accountability Group

Whelps here I am posting again first thing in the morning because I woke with crazy urges. I think I had some fun/naughty dreams that kicked things off and woke with huge MW that I don't know what to do with. Wish I was in a proper relationship so I could go to town with someone in a healthy way.

Will the intensity of these feelings and dreams continue to grow?
How do you all deal?

Anyhow, I'm staying strong -- despite being stuck like this... haha.
You all stay strong, too.

 

There are definitely benefits but I wouldn't call them superpowers in my situation. I feel more confident in myself. Relationship with wife is definitely better. I'm more productive, and no PIED issues anymore. It's definitely been good but 90 days is just not long enough to get to the other side for me, but it's better now than it was a couple months ago and I fully believe that at some point the brain restores and this aspect of life becomes pretty easy - just takes a long time to get there. There are definite benefits and I expect them to get even better as time goes on.

 

They won't continue to grow forever. They will calm down, but then out of nowhere sometimes it'll hit you. It isn't linear, but gradually the intensity and the frequency diminishes. One thing I have learned is that fearing it and white-knuckle fighting it is sometimes counterproductive. We tend to think there are only two options: fight or give in. But I think there is a nuanced third option, which is developing the skill to be calm about it. You neither give in or get worked up into some crazy battle. It's kind of like fighting it in a way but the attitude is different. There is a knowledge that it will pass. There's also the knowledge that it's harmless. The calmness seems to take some of its power away. Have you heard of the concept of neuroplasticity? I suppose that is our end goal. Our brains can change and we've done so much to change them in a bad way, but they can change in good ways too.

 

Beautifully said.
God bless and Godspeed.

 

Día 0
Infelizmente volví a caer

 

Whelps my first relapse. Engaged in some MO. I just really miss my wife.

Interestingly, I am feeling like garbage right now... like markedly depressed/anxious/emotional...because I fapped? I also just returned from being with kind friends, and maybe I'm down that I am returning to all of the emotional dysfunction in my life that I need to correct. Anyhow, seems I feel good on days where I don't fap, and as soon as I fap this gloom rolls in. Maybe both can be true.

Or maybe I'm just having a tough day.
***
Please Lord give us strength to overcome our weaknesses. We Pray that you strengthen our resolve and purpose so that we can move through life in a way that honors you.

 

updated my counter, now to get outta this relapse

 

Checking in at the start of a new working week - stay strong everyone

 

Don't give up! May God help you!

 

Monday morning check in. All is going well, good to see 30 days back on the counter .

 

Reset, finding it very hard to get any kind of a streak going.

 

Checking in today! No news is good news.

———

@XnevertoolateX @Keli @onefootinfrontoftheother and @Low Tide High Tide, don’t give up!

Try to take it one day at a time…even break that down and take it one hour at a time.

If you think about it we have 24 hours in a day, 8-6 of those is hopefully spent sleeping which means we really just have to get through 16 hours each day!

 

Día 0
Caí de nuevo está tarde..

 

Thanks man. I’m not beating myself up over it and no where near quitting. Honestly, I was curious to see what effect it would have on my mood.

Just a small reset.

Here’s to a successful next 90 days!

 

Checking in - always feel more positive after a good nights sleep

 

Checking in...been doing terrible recently with my mental health and using P as a distraction but it always makes me feel worse. Setting a renewed intention to get going on a streak and move away from compulsive P viewing.

 

Sorry I meant RESET not relapse.

Checking in -- going strong.

I have been reading about how long to properly reboot and have come to the conclusion that 90 days probably isn't enough to feel significant improvement for me -- I'm better off just treating this as a new lifestyle. I already decided mentally, emotionally, and spiritually to stop supporting P forever. Now adding M&O (outside of healthy, partnered, committed sex).

So given that...

• Late 30s, been watching porn since 15, streaming video since the beginning (around 2007 I guess?) -- this means a solid 17 years of streaming video, which I imagine is the real damaging force
• Also smoke weed for headaches and depression -- need to quit and basically have cut this down to as little as possible. I no longer feel any fun enjoyment from weed, so its no longer something I'll miss in that way, though i still use it to cope with hard times
• I'm hearing that older users may need reboots on the order of 6mo+ or even a couple years
• No "addiction" urges for P -- I stopped it and don't miss it -- what I miss is being able to modulate my difficult moods with a fap-sesh
• Never had PEID or ED or any of the physical sexual disfunction symptoms

...How long do you imagine until I see meaningful impact on my moods and a proper reboot?
I know impossible to know, but if anyone has a guess from their experience or research, I'd love to hear it.

 

Day 2 now

 

Checking in today.

Enjoying some sunshine and sobriety.

 

Maybe before falling, try posting here?

Even if you fall after that, you would still be establishing a habit of reaching out for help before a fall.