Is it possible to stop ogling women IRL? Any tips?

The “one click away of removing it from sight” IRL is to stare at your shoes. It worked for me.

 

It's not an instant cure, but I've found it helpful to "humanize" the woman by remembering that she's a three-dimensional human being with goals, habits (some that I might actually find annoying), dreams, likes and dislikes, etc. It's a cliche at this point, but remembering "she's someone's daughter / mother / etc" can be helpful.

Also, I will often use seeing a beautiful woman as an opportunity for gratitude. How amazing is it that we get to experience such beauty in the world? And then I try to turn that energy inward, and focus it on becoming the best version of myself possible, so I can feel confident enough to deserve a woman like that as a partner someday.

This morning in my gym there was a woman who really matches my arousal template. I did have a brief flurry of sexual thoughts just because she was so hot, but within seconds, I found myself feeling extra motivated to keep working hard in my lifting regimen, in hopes that maybe a woman would look at me and have those same feelings. To me, that's 1000% better than stewing in lustful thoughts about whatever you want to do to her.

 

Yes, by mindful meditating and using the noting technique.

 

Just make a rule to not look at all. Just look at her face only if talking with her, otherwise don’t even look at her at all. Just walk straight ahead

 

Yep, I'm the same way.

It took me a long time to accept the fact that it's simply easier for me to not look at all, then it is to look without lusting. If a women enters my view, bounce the eyes. The exception is with women that come into my circle directly interacting with me. But it's way easier for me to deal with the couple dozen women inside my circle then the 5000 outside of it.
I don't need to check out all the women around me. What am I missing out on besides feelings of deprevation while looking at someone I cannot have? They're not checking me out. No favors to return there. Besides, I can see them better if I don't look at them; a whole lot better.

 

I used to stare too much and I knew it was bad. But only thinking back now I can have perspective and have to say I definitely acted out too much with it at times.

Hate to say it but it took a few years to improve for me at least. Relapses happen but avoiding hardcore stuff and minimising the occurrences and durations of PMO helps.

Other tips?

I had to spend less time in areas full of attractive women. If I went to the mall, I got my stuff and got out. If at the beach, I swam and got out. That was how distracting those environments were for me at the time.

However, at the same time, I got into the habit of making eye contact with people, both men and women. And I found you can make eye contact with a woman, still take in her full beauty, and acknowledge her without objectifying her.

Although I admit it's easier when you're in a relaxed and positive mindset, so depending on where you're at it may be something to try just on good days for now.

Funny thing is, if you're looking to say approach someone or gauge their interest in you, a cheeky smile with eye contact is one of the best ways to start that off too.

And just food for thought. Women check us guys out too, they're just super sneaky and quick about it lol.

 

That's true it's better to have a realistic expectation on recovery!

All that sexualised social media you mentioned like instagram and TikTok can definitely hold you back. They're firing the neural pathways we've built with porn all the same. Brain just sees "hot woman being provocative".

On that note of firing the neural pathways by accident, fantasising is said to do the same thing. So when you see an attractive woman IRL and do a double take, it may only be a problem if you use that to build a fantasy.

Timelines are difficult because of so many individual variables, but 6-12 months of recovery effort should give you some good benefits.

I would emphasise not to worry too much about relapsing though. If it happens, it doesn't take back all of your progress. And it's an opportunity to take stock and question your habits, underlying motivations, and make adjustments as necessary.

 

I used to be the guy who would look inside of every car driving by and at every woman walking by.

Happy to say that today I don't have to look.

Not that I don't get tempted because I do.

As a rule of thumb, it is always better to Not look than to look. Looking once produces a desire to look more.

If you do look then follow the 3 second rule. Thank God for creating such a beautiful creature. Say a prayer for this woman.

If you see something out of the corner of your eye, look the other way.

It's a habit like everything else. It will take time to undo the habit and to form a new habit.

It is possible to have a PMO slip from looking at women. So be careful. With time it will get easier to avoid looking altogether.

 

It's the toughest part of this addiction. But I look at it like this, in a way. I've quit coffee. But that doesn't mean I don't get triggered when I hear the sound of the espresso machine, or see a freshly poured latte and feel the small enveloping me. I appreciate what it is, I may even express this verbally- but I don't drink. Part of that is what we are doing with women. We'll never stop looking at and appreciating a gorgeous woman. And by looking at, I mean breaking them down physically. I just don't think we can stop that, but- more importantly- I'm not sure if we need to stop that. What we need to realize is that those moments are fleeting. Just like the cup of coffee will be drunk, these women will be gone. And we can be thankful for that. And this is even so for women we see on a daily basis. Their physical space is an impermanent part of our consciousness, and we should look at it as a floating twig that passes by on river. Recognize it yes. But don't grab for it. Don't try and pull it out of the water. Don't try and recreate it on the shore. It's part of our reality, and we can be thankful for that, and then let it go.

 

Don't take this advice, you'll be staring down at the ground everywhere you go like a hopeless nerd. Look inwardly in order to find the power to withstand. Stop jerking around and get a hold of yourself.

 

I believe most if not all of us have this problem
What I did was get into the habit of look away.
Do not wait a moment and take a backward glance.You will be empowered every time you succeed in this which in turn empower you all the more.

 

Don't think about a pink elephant. Whatever you do, don't think about a pink elephant. Don't picture a pink elephant in your mind. Don't think about its trunk. Don't think about its tail. Don't about its feet. Don't think about its eyes. Just don't think about it. Now what are thinking about? It's more than likely you're thinking about a pink elephant.

I think that's the problem with having rules about not looking - you will probably end up looking at women. That's why I think applying the noting technique is more helpful. With the technique, you notice the woman and then gently bring yourself back to what you were doing before you saw the woman. The way I see when we accept that there is a part of us that wants to look lustfully at a woman we're more likely to not do so because we're confronting the dark side within us. I think having rules about not looking is running away from our dark side and running away doesn't make things go away. I used to have rules like you but it never helped and the noting technique has helped me stop ogling because I look without staring.

I probably have posted this before but here's the video explaining noting:

 

Another thing is a woman may feel unseen by you if you're not looking at her. I'm not saying women want to be stared at but if you're avoiding looking at her body it's like you're rejecting a part of her. A woman wouldn't exist if she didn't have a body.

 

It's a process brother! One day at a time. Acting out never solved a single problem for me just let me feel numb
When not acting out I begin to experience all sorts of feelings

 

Whats wrong with looking towards a woman...? Do not stare but everything under 2 seconds is normal..?

 

You mentioned years of recovery, what do you mean? As in, what did you do during those years of recovery that led to a “deep understanding of pornography addiction?”