Day 114 The church I work for turned one year old today! Busier services than usual but I managed to get a few hours in the middle of the day to get a workout in and have some time out - really enjoying exercising once again and I pray for the life of me that it actually sticks and I continue with it! Still attracted to a colleague of mine and don’t want to act on it; it’s not triggering urges which is a positive, but it puts my mind in the lens of ‘looking’ for a partner - nothing problematic but I find it distracting when I’d rather just be myself and get to know people genuinely.
Day 38, slipped today back to 0, made it so close breaking my previous streak of 50+. I'm going to try to stay here everyday and be more consistent to stay uplifted on harder times. In the moment there's always a second where my conscious tells me you can stop right now just walk away, like always right before I start looking at porn and again before I start to fap, it feels hard to act on because of how heavy the impulses hit but that voice is there, and I think to really start breaking the wiring of the addiction I need to be able to walk away despite those impulses in those moments, then as the impulses slowly get weaker it gets easier to resist so it's downhill from there. I just want my mind to realize in the moment that this is enough, in all the years of this habit, you've never really found true satisfaction or fulfillment but instead were left empty and then feeling bad for giving into it and then not finding satisfaction, but then also becoming addicted to the pleasure. How does this mind realize not to pursue pleasure that leaves it unfulfilled and only wanting more and more? I think the deeper problem is of desire of trying to find some fulfillment, and if that could be found there wouldn't be these pursuits of pleasure. Going to be building more discipline into life to become better at resisting impulses and finding meaning so brain runs less to porn but also focusing much more internally on finding what satisfaction the mind seeks and how to find it.
Day 3 - Orc, The Dark Tower Barad-Dûr Weekend was good, some temptations but not so heavy and from time to time the occasional brainfog. Spend some time outside in the sun, it was a good weekend.
Day 2 Still on guard from the chaser effect. I hope that I’m going in the right direction. Started using the Panic button again and it just saved me yesterday, I found myself just wasting time and simply closing and reopening the same 3 websites while feeling the urge, and then I got up and went to the gym. Felt great afterwards. @SSS Vision Thank you for your tips, the Noticing about the noticing part really made me laugh, but it’s a great trick and I’ll try it out myself. It is happening to me way too much. @soggs1 39 days is still amazing and life changing. You’re doing great and there is no shame in resetting the counter, the counter is just a tool. Remember where you’ve started and where you are now. Keep up the great work.
Day 11! Still haven't set a time of day for posting updates. Hmm 8 P.M my time should do, no reason to think otherwise, and much reason to remember.
80 days Fellowship!! Getting my horn of Gondor Great day yesterday, had lot´s of fun with the family and done all my planned activities. Great day! I´ve planned something really good for today as well, so i hope it goes as planned Nothing more to add brave Warriors!! Have a great day and week ahead!
day 7, in this days the only bad thing i had was a dream about porn. The rest of the days was easy, i think because when i start thinking about porn or a girl i slice that thought fast.
Day 11 Complete - Uruk-Hai the PMO ring is trying to put pornography related thoughts in my mind, I can feel it But I will not listen to it, not today