My story is much like all of the other ones I have read here, and is nothing short of miraculous in it's own right. I truly never thought I would get to the day where I was on such a long streak that I would lose count, but here I am. I believe its over 130 days at this point. I started hard mode on January 11th for anyone that wants to do the math and I am so glad I am here. I truly am grateful for this forum, as this forum has helped me through some really tough days, but my gratitude aside thats not why I am here. So, here is me getting to the point, quitting P and M and O hasn't changed my life much at all, but it has completely changed me. I am still single, I am still quite lonely at times, I do admittedly have an incredible job, I have an amazing family with a brother and parents who would walk through the gates of hell for me, I have an incredible group of friends who are equally supportive, I still long for female companionship, I still struggle with dating, I still feel sadness/envy/anger when I hang out with my married friends, I feel exceptionally sad when my cousin's child says, "I love you dad," to him, I still feel my appearance is lacking, and I still have urges to return to my previous ways. Nothing, about my life has really changed much. What has changed is how I feel about my life. I for the first time, maybe ever, feel as if I have autonomy in my life. It is the first time, that I can remember, where I feel as if I can make choices for myself. This feeling of autonomy is incredibly liberating. I feel so free and as I am typing this, I find that I am struggling to describe it, but simply stated I feel in control. As many of you know, it is extremely demoralizing and demotivating to lay there staring at the dark ceiling knowing you have just almost unconsciously given in to an urge for the nth time. I would sit there thinking to my self, after I just thoughtlessly gave into my animalistic instincts at the computer screen, thinking, "why did I do that? I didn't even want to do that." Seriously, how could I face my everyday life thinking I had any choice or control over the course of my life, if I couldn't have enough self control to say, "no" to the computer. Since, quitting PMO I can say I feel as if no matter what comes up, including thoughts, I can say no I won't give into that, or yes I will put my full heart/faith into that. I mean if I can control the most fundamental of my desires, I certainly can control my feelings when it comes to a rejection by a girl, or I can control my emotions when a patient at work loses their shit on me. So, has my life changed? No not really, my environment and circumstance are very similar to where they were in January, but I am changed, and it feels great. Liberate yourself, give your self the confidence that you can handle any situation, because you can handle yourself. It will be the greatest gift you will ever give yourself, trust me.
