I will need help. I saw myself out of control, I realise it is not going to be easy. Had a very bad binge last night and today. Affecting me as didn't go to work and feel not very good obviously after a very good first streak of 28 days. I feel bad with myself as I did use porn and realise this is worse to handle that what I thought
I started feeling much better in every way after rebooting for nearly a month . I need to quit this disgusting habit
It is my experience that the first streak is probably the easiest because you have all this hope that it will change you for the better and you've probably watched so much porn over the years that you may even be bored by it. It's only through relapse that you learn how the addiction really affects you. This whole thing is a learning process. Learning about yourself. Don't see the relapse as a failure - see it as a way of learning how to maybe avoid it in the future. But then again, try not to think things like "Now I've relapsed, I might as well enjoy it" or "I can start my next streak next week". I relapsed after a 30 days streak through an urge to watch porn revolving around a certain 'act'. I had an urge to watch videos containing this act which I probably hadn't watched for at least 5 years (which gives you an idea of how long I wasn't interested in it for). I even realised those videos were probably close to 20 years old now. This thing is where my urges still come from. The trouble is once I gave in once, the novelty effect came back and before I knew it I had a mental collection of videos I have an urge to watch and my brain has memorised what to type into google to bring those videos up straight away. I even tried to watch the videos over and over again to try and get 'bored' of them but I just ended up finding more videos. It's something you can't win unless you kill it completely.
Its sucks, but it happens. Dust yourself off and keep going. Dont think about the failure, think about the success of making it 28 days, that fantastic my friend. Think about what you learned and what you can do different next time. Keep going my friend and good luck.