I don't know why; I am figuring it out. I didn't use porn, but I had a slip by masturbating to orgasm yesterday. I will write soon about this.
My spirituality has as its foundation two principles: 1) There is a God, and 2) It isn't Loren. LOL, buddy, just joking. Loren you were a great deal of help to me as my first accountability partner. Thank you so much. You were regularly available and always providing encouragement. Where I am at now, somewhere around 90-100 days, has been a rocky road but at the moment I am living in God's grace. I have briefly looked a t P a couple times, not lately, and I have edged. I have not full on PMO'd. In fact no O at all during this time. I see that I may relapse someday, but even more certain is that I will have a real girlfriend soon and no need to PMO. I am brimming over with confidence today. A couple of weeks ago I cycled through euphoria, utter panic, and then suicidal ideation, all in the space of an hour and a half without any external stressors. I did not relapse. This experience made it clear that the brain chemicals can in fact get wildly out of balance from NoFap and that there are (in me) deeper levels of mental imbalance to be uncovered and examined and overcome. That porn is powerful fucking shit, even in its absence, sort of like it left a footprint behind it into which I can potentially fall and get wacky and temporarily insane. I do not want porn in my life. You guys, and you Loren in particular, have been most helpful in bringing me to this perspective. GWY all of you.
I recommend you adjust your goal to at least a week. I not sure what it like for you but 1 day seems like minal standard. I know it can be hard just to get though one day for some but I just saying 1 day goal still allows daily PMOs.
Loren, you have created inspiration and encouragement to disappointed newbies like me. I am really really thankful for sharing your experience as path I have taken has already been walked by you and your experience will remind me everytime demons comes up to me. I call upon God almighty alone for helping all of us and safeguard us and our generations from this demonic activity and make all of us blessed and guided children of God. O Lord! save us from Satan, the cursed one.
This is so inspirational, Loren! Loved your posts, and read through most of your thread. Thank you for sharing 'BLAHST' with us. An acronym is a great way to get the mind focused on where to take action. Also, very inspiring to read how you started running again! Good going; thank you for inspiring lots of us. Cheers!
so encouraging , thanks for the help. Im going to book mark this so i can pull it up when i need reminders.
I see that it's been tough at times, but the story goes on. Good example of a progress so sincerely presented! Many good thoughts.
Congratulations Loren, hearing your story makes me realize that at the end, its all worth it. Thanks.
I'm not sure what to write today but I feel like reaching out and sending a message to anyone who may be struggling that there is hope. I only take it one day at a time. I can only do this for 24 hours. Luckily, I have renewed my promise to myself every morning and have made it to 118 days without PMO. There is a lot of hope guys. Just keep trying. You only fail if you stay down when you fall. Just get back up and keep on going. Loren
Wow, great story man. I definitely look forward to this journey. Thank God for people such as yourself.
Thanks for the encouragement Loren; I have been fighting this demon forever, and I finally decided NO MORE. I slipped after about 19 days, and I was completely devastated cause my goal was for 30 days. This addiction has caused many broken relationships that I have had in the past, and the relationships I should probably have had. Thank you again for your encouragement. I thought I was going to be able to do the "cold turkey" thing but I guess relapses is part of this horrible addiction.
What if thoughts or fantasies just pop in on their own, seemingly out of my control? What if I'm just walking down the street and see someone? Or what if. Am trying to get to sleep? The sleeping one is the hardest but my philosophy is that the thoughts just pop in without permission and it isn't your fault. Just acknowledge them and don't fight it. Just let them pop back out the way they left. Thinking is like breathing. If we forget about it, it just happens. Thoughts arise. If we deliberately consciously do it, we have control but only while we focus on it. When you do have control, think positive non sexual thoughts. When the others pop in, say hi thanks for visiting it is time to go now goodbye. Don't be mean or full of fight. They are like a little puppy who is trying to jump on the couch. Just say no and be firm but still loving. All actions start with a thought. If the thought wasn't my fault, that doesn't take away my accountability for whatever action ensues. Every action I take is a deliberate choice. One of my greatest addiction recovery teachers always said, "All relapses are premeditated."