4/21 Today started out really rough. I woke up from erotic dreams feeling guilty and ashamed. It took a while for those feelings to settle, even though I knew it was just a dream. The shameful and guilty feelings that are present during the dreams seem to stay with me when I wake up. But I jumped right into my self-care routine, and begin socializing shortly there after. I met a woman at the park who was walking her dog, and asked if I could pet the dog. She invited me to join them for coffee, and I spent the next 3 1/2 hours chatting with her, and playing with the dog in the field. I left that park, and headed to a town Green where I met up with another woman that I had made plans with yesterday. We got so deeply involved in an intimate conversation, that by the time we realized how much time had passed, she was late for work. Fortunately her boss is very forgiving, and it was just a meeting day. So she wasn’t really in any trouble. After that I had dinner with a few new friends. And then went to join one of them at a bar where he was meeting six other people. I spent the whole evening talking to one of the women in that group. I had three long conversations with beautiful women today. I was not focused on them as sexual beings, and was able to truly be present and connect with them on a human level. With the second one, at one point, I even asked her to zip up her sweater. When asked why, I told her that I was finding myself distracted by her body. She was flattered, but understanding. I felt proud of myself for acknowledging it, And rather than continuing to look, asking her to do something about it. I had already told her about my addiction, and how I have decided to face it. So it wasn’t a weird thing to bring up. She said that she actually admired me for doing so. And wish that more men in her life would be willing to be so honest and transparent.
17/21. Tomorrow I go on vacation for four weeks and I’m mostly going to spend the time with my family so next challenge is going to be smooth and easy
6/21! I am so horny, damn it. I looked at this girl on the train yesterday (stared actually). "Stop it" I said to myself. Too late, she suddenly looked at me, while I inspected her. Urgh... felt like a God damn perv.
Day 17/21 Time for karate! I hope to learn some discipline along with having something to get out of the house for besides work, gym and shopping. If I continue to work on my self, the right girl will come into my life. Oh wow, congratulations Discoverr! I hope I make it to the 30 days challenge as well.
5/21 No long stories today. Just an average day. I’ve been horny, but letting the feelings be what they are and acknowledging that they will pass.