[18/M] At midnight I start my 90 day NoFap reboot. I have abstained from porn for over two weeks but have been unable to quit masturbation with fantasy and erotica. For me, masturbation has become a release from the stresses of everyday life and has caused me to become incapable of addressing the problems in my life in a constructive way. Unfortunately this resulted in me being dumped by my girlfriend of 4 years and likely screwing up my A-levels due to being unable to overcome complacency and procrastination, not due to pornography addiction nor addiction to masturbation itself, but from training my brain from the age of 12 to ignore problems in life and instead focus on instant gratification. This has led to me being unable to achieve my potential and failing in almost every regard. I have become tired of living an unfulfilling life and have decided now is the time to take action. Despite screwing up my Alevels, I still have an unconditional offer at my dream university which I start in mid-September, in 90 days time. This is my second chance. In order to make a success of this second chance, I must make the necessary changes right now. Pornography has resulted in the questioning of my own sexuality alongside the adoption of fetishes which I find rather destructive (cuckolding, humiliation, MMF threesomes, submission). I may never be able to rid myself of these desires and fetishises but I can develop strong self control to be able to look at them objectively and then dismiss them as the lunacy that they are. Pornography has also had many more incredibly negative impacts on my life, such as the objectification of women, overly high standards, difficulty having orgasms through any stimulation other than my own hand (which makes sex disappointing for both involved), as well as insecurity in my penis size (which in reality is actually averaged sized). By rebooting now I hope to be able to focus better on my education, find motivation to follow my passions and work on my hobbies and eventually find love again. When relapsing after 2 weeks of NoFap last week, I experienced a severe pain after orgasm. This was the indication to me that enough was enough and that it was time to put a stop to this destructive habit once and for all. It was the wake up call that NoFap must be taken seriously and committed to 100%. This post, I hope, will hold me to account and help me to get through the most difficult moments that will surely come with a 90 day reboot. By having this written down and here for anyone to see, it will hopefully give me the motivation to not give in to urges, fantasies and desires but to instead ignore them and continue with something much more productive and worthwhile. In 90 days, I will be able to return to this post victorious and hopeful for the future and a much better person than the one writing this post right now. That brings me peace and happiness within myself. Signing out, R.S
Well maybe I can offer some tips my main one that helped me in the dark days was remembering how I felt after I masturbated to porn the shame anxiety and fear and anger I felt so when I felt like I wanted to watch again I remember how it made me feel afterword because I wrote it on paper thosed feelings and when an urge came I looked at my paper and said not worth it. IF I CAN DO THIS SO CAN YOU
Thanks brother! I agree. It’s important to focus on the reasons why we’re on this journey, and writing them down can be a huge help. The negativity surrounding relapses can be channelled into making sure you don’t relapse again, if you take charge of the situation properly, if not then it can result in a negativity spiral and a binge which is truly awful. Good luck on your own journey!
Hi. Welcome to forum! Make sure you create a personal journal thread in Reboot Logs section and blog there on a regular basis. As well as just generally be active participant in various forum discussions. I recommend this to everybody new here because it's the major thing that helped me when I was first starting. Just lurking on forums, reading and learning is great. But it usually is so much more powerful to engage. It helps to keep us motivated and accountable when we are active part of community. And keeps this in front of our minds so we don't forget about importance of it and slip away in our old habits. Sharing is also therapeutic. This is a major reason why AA meetings work so good. But that was developed before internet era. These days we can get most of the same benefits online through communities like this. So don't underestimate the power of active participation. I would also like to suggest you to look into mindfulness meditation. It has helped me personally tremendously to learn how to deal with urges and triggers. It takes a while to get good at it and notice results, so you need to be consistent with it, but once you do it's very powerful. It has been used by sages for thousands of years to deal with various issues of the mind. And in recent decades the science is also catching up to what ancient sages have know for centuries. Meditation these days are widely used as very effective tool by psychologists for treating addiction and by neurologists for supporting recovery of the brain after physical injury. Plus it is generally a great exercise for the brain the same way as jogging is great exercise for the body. You gotta make sure it is proper mindfulness meditation though. "Mindfulness" meditation where we just focus on breath is more like a concentration meditation instead. It works too but differently and not as powerfully in my experience. Real mindfulness meditation however trains you to accept your urges by understanding the nature of them by observing them, not just suppress them by concentrating on something else instead. It makes you comfortable with them. And once you accept and become comfortable with them there is no need to get rid of them, so there is no need to PMO. Only reason why we PMO is because that urge, that itch in our crotch is uncomfortable, we wanna get rid of it. And then after PMO we have our release. Or we simply want pleasure. And inability to have that pleasure makes us uncomfortable. But if we accept that we can not have pleasure then resistance is gone and there is no reason to PMO. Acceptance and mindfulness is the key. Check out this Ted talk on acceptance and mindfulness practice, it gives a good idea of what's it's about when it comes to philosophy. The mindfulness practice as described by psychologist in a the video can be used by itself but ideally should be used as supplementation to your daily sitting meditation. Sitting meditation I personally practice and recommend to people is as explained by meditation expert in this YouTube playlist. If you don't like the monk or want other method there is this awesome smartphone app called Headspace for guided meditations. Wish you lot's of strength and success in your reboot journey!
