Hi guys, I really need to take this anguish out of my heart, and I can do this just here. I'm a natural listener, I like to hear about my friends' life. I'm feel sometimes that I don't live truly, so listening helps me to fill this hole and sometimes I can learn more about the world out there, about relashionships and social bullshit. The problem arrives when I listen to people sexual life, just random comentaries, or even jokes (considering I'm virgin and my urges of PMO are very frequent these days, I'm doing amost everyday this week). Listening to this things make me I feel I'm a huge piece of disgusting trash, like I'm the worst failure in earth. I feel ashamed of myself, I'm wrong, I'm weak and coward, my rest of confidence and some self esteem goes below zero. And I can't stop thinking about the details of the histories that I hear, the jokes that I have to artificially laugh at (to not raise suspicions about my shameful virginity). This hole process (listening and processing this in my brain crushes my soul completely. I can't run away from this. Sex is a natural think and I need to be prepared to hear all kinds of things. But my brain can't digest properly this stuff and my psychological structure goes very fucking down every time. Please, I need to read some comentaries about, your opinions or anything. I heard a lot of things yesterday and I'm REALLY damaged by that.
ask yourself - why so serious ? when u stop fapping you will care less what people say. What helped me is to make fun of myself as a virgin(when i was). Accept that & make fun of it dont treat life seriously, its very short time and in the end everyone dies so why not having fun?. Also remember noone cares you are a virgin. Noone really cares about others life, thats the nature
Dude don't get bogged down worrying about virginity; trust me I've been in the same boat as you and sometimes when I'd hear friends talk and joke about the sex they've had, so nonchalantly it's almost like it's a throwaway thing, I like you would listen, think and feel the same things as you do, I'm a failure, there's something wrong with me, etc, and my confidence would take a hit, but then I'd look at the bigger picture and say to myself; right now, is it the biggest priority in my life? above health, well being, personal development? No it's not. That is what you need to think to yourself, look; when it's going to happen; it will. Some of us just take a little longer to get there that others. We as guys unfortunately put sex and losing our virginity so high on the list of things we need to do, we lose sight of things that are way more important in our lives. Yes, sex is a natural thing but it is also precious and should be treated as such, it's not some trivial thing; it should be something special between people who have a genuine affection for each other, It's not a fucking sport; this is truly where porn has skewed our perceptions of sex. So keep your head up bud, and remember you're not the only one who's feeling or has felt this way or will be, you just need to take an honest look at your life and ask yourself what's truly important.
Forget about those guys who are making you feel like trash. As the guy above me said, sex is a precious thing, and many rise it to the level of sacred. In my opinion, the less partners you have had the better. Ask yourself what's harder: acting on your urges, or controlling them? Virginity is a precious thing, and when you do end up with your lifelong partner, would you rather she's been sexually engaged with tons of people? Or that she's experienced it only with you? That's one of the reasons I wanna quit PMO, to keep myself clean, as I see it as just a soft version of getting a hooker IRL. Sex is natural, but so are other biological functions. That said there is a time and a place for everything, you don't need to have sex all the time because others are doing so.
Thank you very much guys. Today some hours later, I was able to calm down and be cool about yesterday. I'm feeling better now. The thing is, this just was possible because I had a day off today (sunday) and I stay out of my workplace, where this friends and this conversations happen. Still I have to work my mind to absorb and not suffer during this dialogues. If I had to spent a full day off and digest this over hours alone, come here, send posts about to get little better, I'm going to have touble in my life. Our minds are really treacherous
Hi there, I've been there and can relate. It's not always fun to hear about another person's intimate life and with details thrown here and there. Don't take it personally. I'm sure the guys who talk about this, speak of it causally because they're just people who have a normal sex life. You're not lesser then them and for all you know they could have other aspects of self to work on. For you it might be sex but for them it could be other issues such as family, poverty, tragedy, abuse, misfortune, etc. No matter, if they talk about sex constantly, don't let that set you off course on your journey. At the end of the day they may place it high on their pedestal but that's just because they have nothing of higher value to offer in a conversation.
Anyway, next tuesday I'm trying a new psychologist after 6 years of desistence. I'm still trying to raise courage to open this problem in the session. Last week I had a bad strike of PMO, something like 5 or 6 days in a row. I was going to sleep very late in night, got sleepy all week at my job, maybe this whole scenario get me worse yesterday/today. The other bad thing is, if I stop for all in PMO, I feel bad. The need increases and my thoughts are even worse, and I think I got more sensible to this "dialogues". At least I feel I descharge when I engage in PMO sometimes. I don't think the virginity is my major problem, even if I emphasized this in my post. The issue is a lack of healthy sexual life. If I have sex one time, my struggle gonna keep for sure, of even worse. The proof of this is, some weeks ago I decided to make a experiment and "step out of my confort zone" (like everyone here loves to say). I went to a dominatrix to explore more about myself and my body, extract my shyness and etc. In a classic dominatrix there's no sex at all, the maximum is a handjob described as a orgasm denial. Anyways, the session was to explore the sensibility of my body, my pleasures and stuff. I thought, after this, I would feel more confident, more curious and less impacted by dialogues and narrations of others' sexual experiences. The same shitty feeling arounds me in the same way.
I would argue that in order to have a healthy sexual life, one must have a healthy relationship with themselves. Nothing comes easy but work hard and you'll see progress. The idea of getting some instant gratification by have a one time sex or going to a dominatrix is not going to solve your problem. It might be stepping out of your comfort zone but that's like skipping from step 1 to step 3 or 4 without putting any effort and purpose to a goal. Don't do that, you're just feeding your lust and reinforcing neediness to experience the same pleasures.
Actually, some years ago I tryed some dates with girls, but I felt so bad and depressed that I couldn't go further. I tryed guys to, but I hated the contact. I tried here and there once in a while (pretty rare) this dates, making out in parties, drinking, tryed ansiolitics (prescrited, of course), therapy (and I'm going to try again soon) and leave off some years later. So, this dominatrix experience didn't come from nothing or started from zero. The truth is, I'm actually tired of trying stuff that didn't work and getting out of my confort zone to just exaust me. And when I do, sometimes a regret deeply years later.
Totally understand you my friend. I am a 32 year old virgin and work with construction douchebags who are always talking about their sex lives and things. I f***ing hate it and have to laugh, talk and blend in with these people. I have worked the same job that I hate for 12 years and day in and day out I have to listen to everyone else have sex lives. Sometimes I will make up a story (mostly stealing real stories I have heard over the years) about my fictional sex life and even say douchebag things as well just to blend. It is tough at times because if I was found to be a virgin among these people I would have to quit my job or be constantly ridiculed and harassed. My only bigger fear than being found out to be a virgin is losing my crappy job and with no way yet to have sex I am stuck. So I cannot offer any advice but I do understand.
I so feel your pain man, so not trying not to say something that would give it away instantly; I'm always dragged into these same uncomfortable situations at work on a regular basis, always trying to deflect the conversations away to avoid being found out.
Thank you very much. I have the constant fear for years of being interrogated about my sexual life. The thing is, I'm not gonna lie about this. What I can do is being omissive like everything else in my life, or tell the truth, if i'm being asked by close friends. The good part is, I'm very introspective, I hate to interrogate about people's personal life, I dont put my nose in others' people life and most of time, I'm really discret about me (blocking some unwanted opening). This discourages a lot of unconfortable questions. But about the narrations and jokes, I just keep my mouth shut or try some fake laugh. Its a fucking invisible prision.
I know. There have been times where, especially when I was in my teens, hearing about other guys sexual experiences would drive me batshit crazy. I was so jealous. Why did they get to normal? Why was it easy for them? Why couldn't I do the same things? Simple - scared of judgement. My biggest one was stupid - Its hard to descibe. I was nervous about people knowing about who I was interested in. "Oooooo he likes Jessica!" So juvenile right? I learned you have to not be scared of what anyone thinks because what they think is irrelevant. Eventually, in my better times, I had my own experiences that I was so exited to tell.people about. Not because I was a douche bragger. But because I was so happy about what had happened! Don't be scared - there's nothing to be scared of.
I cannot speak for the opener but for me its not about being scared its about not having anything to draw from. I have no sexual experiences to talk about and aside from some made-up stories I have, hearing coworkers talk about sex gets weird because I instantly start thinking, "here's when they find out I am a 32 year old virgin, quick change the subject." Believe me, I would love to have a real story to brag about. I am not even friends with my coworkers but I have no choice in working with them and if I was found out to be a virgin I would have to quit, and finding a new job would be next to impossible with my social problems. So okay I lied, there is lots to be scared of.
