Hey everyone! I’m new to this forum, but it has been so helpful! I’d like to give my backstory: I started watching porn when I was 13 years old. Back then, you could get 30 second clips for free on the internet. I didn’t know anything about masturbation. Guess you could say that I was a very sheltered kid when it came to sex. I remember going on an online chat room via AIM or MSN? Not exactly sure. I went into a chat room where people were talking about masturbation, and asked: “How do you masturbate?” Some weirdo guys were like “How old are you?” Told them I was 13, and they were like “You’re too young.” Then, some guy messaged me and was like “I’ll tell you how to masturbate.” So basically, he texted me, and I was playing with my penis and then - boom - the orgasm. I didn’t know what to think. Also, I didn’t know stuff would come out...So that surprised me. After that, I remembered the feeling from when I was a 3rd grader. On the playground, it felt really good to rub your crotch against the playground poles where you could slide up and down from. Or even doing the rope climb, putting my junk on the rope and holding it there made me feel good as well. Though I never really understood why, and none of my friends would tell me at that age, I just knew that the feeling was the same as masturbating. It all made sense now! So....then began my long streak of masturbating. From 13-26, I masturbated frequently. Almost every day. Several times a day if I was bored. I have social anxiety, to the point that I’m medicated with basically an alprazolam whenever I have to make a speech, and beta blockers for every day things. I was also on anti-depressants in undergrad. I remember never having anxiety up until the time I turned 13. It seemed to correspond directly with the time I started masturbating. I remember before I learned how to masturbate, I would go up to the front of the class and volunteer to read aloud/present. Then, I remember after learning to masturbate, I was suddenly “Self-Aware.” Kind of like how Adam and Eve, once they bit the apple, were aware they were naked. I was embarrassed, and remember standing up in front of my 8th grade history class at the end of the year and turning bright red. It wasn’t like that before! However, I never correlated the two until I read the “succes” stories on NoFap. I did about an 8 day stretch during Thanksgiving break of this year. I’m in graduate school now, but came back to LA to be with family. I basically did this as a test, and I remember feeling so good about myself - more confidence. On the 8th day, I had sex with a girl from Tinder, and then I began masturbating again. The feeling of confidence left after that. So on December 13th, I texted my two best friends and said, basically, I wanted to do 30 days NoFap and needed them to hold me accountable. Also, I told them I’d give them 0.5 ethereum each if I failed. One of them, who’s married, also joined me and made the same bet. So here I am on day 10, hoping that I can make it the next 20 days. It’s not too bad, because I don’t feel the urge to masturbate unless I’m looking at porn. I’ve realized how desensitized I’ve become. I had a pornhub account, and uploaded a video that hit 3 million views (it was on the front page for a bit), and have a ton of friends on the account. Yet, i don’t find it too difficult to go back. Hoping I can stay away for a while! I’m doing this: 1. To get rid of anxiety 2. To feel more confident 3. To fall in love. I feel like PMO has made me OK with not having a girlfriend. 4. To feel like myself again. 5. To not have to pay my friends 0.5 ethereum each!!! Last thing - for any veterans, would you recommend having sex and going PM, or going Hard Mode and full PMO? I’ve got several opportunities to have sex, but they’re not with people that I’m in love with - just casual lays. I’d really like to go back to school and start dating a girl that I’m really interested in. Would casual sex affect my “superpowers?” Thanks in advance!
Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you. Go full hard mode. Casual sex can easily become a porn substitute where you go out and have sex instead of looking at porn. In both scenarios, you ar using women for the sole purpose of self gratification. The enemy is here to steal, kill and destroy. What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
