Thanks to this forum!! I can't thank all of you enough. I've gotten so much clarity and relief from your help. I told my boyfriend that I need him to be completely honest with me which he took well. Things that were slightly disconcerting were: -How do we put this boundary into place without it feeling like he has to report to me first thing every time we see each other? Is checking in once a week enough? -I want to be realistic, supportive and open-minded, but he alluded that his goal is not to never watch porn again, his goal is to be more ok with/accept his porn usage and only use it 3-4 times a week on certain days. My ideal relationship is that he attempts to never watch porn again so it doesn't get in the way of our sex life, but maybe things can evolve from here in a different way? Or am I deluding myself? He told me the longest break he's taken is 2 weeks. Where do we go from here?
Here are a couple of links to help you get started setting some boundaries. Just remember that he will think they feel like punishments when, in fact, they are protections for you and, hopefully for your relationship. Make consequences that fit the boundaries and that you are willing to keep. http://adammmoore.com/2014/06/12/defining-and-enforcing-boundaries-in-sexual-addiction-recovery/ http://awiferedeemed.blogspot.com/p/our-plans.html?m=1
That still sounds like a lot of porn. If I were married to an alcoholic, I certainly wouldn't be OK with him drinking 3-4 days per week.
Are you ok with that amount of P ? That sounds like a lot . If not , read in this forum . You’ll see that Things don’t “ evolve “ to never looking at P again . That takes work , and a hell of a lot of it . He’s an addict hon . He’s going to protect that more than he will protect you and the relationship. If P is a deal breaker for you and he’s not ok stopping or working towards stopping, then I don’t think he’s the right guy for you . You aren’t married , you don’t have children together , if it were me in your shoes , knowing all I know now , I’d most likely end things or atleast set a hard boundary to NO P to see how that goes ? I’m 22+ years in which is the only reason I am answering the way I am xo
There's a free ebook available that has helped some people. https://sites.google.com/site/SPAM REMOVED (spam code #001) - REPORT TO MODERATION/home Here's some of what it has to say about the "cutting down" approach that your boyfriend is suggesting.