I'm half way to 90 days. I've worked my way through 45 days, but I have edged. I also borderline slipped. More discipline for homestretch.
I've achieved one month. My life is so much different now. I've just come out of a flatline. Beware of false sense of security.
23 days: I have increased my discipline in areas of my life such as cleaning and hygiene by adopting methodologies. I fail when I wing it...
This has also been the case with healthy eating, exercise, sleep, hydration, preparation, music, and social graces.
I'll have made it to 18 days tomorrow morning. Every day from now on is the longest I've ever been without PMO. I'm proud. Ever onward.
I must minimize time awake in bed. Physical exhaustion is key for nights. Hydration is key for mornings.
What fantasies? Not only sexual. Being controlled, being helpless, being ignored by friends and acquaintances. Being made fun of. Being the only one who sees the world as it is. Mostly negative fantasy. I use this as an escape from reality.
These fantasies make me feel that I'm destined for big things. These fantasies; however, make it easy to ignore the actual work required to make it happen.
Current Fullfilling Disciplines: Guitar, multi instruments/voice, self improvement, education, rowing, meditation/breathing.
Interesting Fullfilling Disciplines: Cleaning/Organization, Martial Arts, Healthy Eating, Survivalism, Song Writing, Entertaining/Comedy, Electronics, Caring.
Discomfort: Lack of control in social situations. Unhealthy body. No pair bonding. Financial irresponsibility. Low energy. Loneliness.
How do I view the financial irresponsibility? As a shameful failure to secure my preferred future. If I embrace the discomfort? I feel guilt rather than shame. I should feel bad about not saving, more importantly, I should feel good about saving. Shame will not lead to goodness.
How do I view the lack of energy? As the inability to get my work done. If I embrace the feeling? As an opportunity to move slowly. As an opportunity to turn work into a meditation.
How do I view my loneliness? As proof that I am unlikable. If I embrace the pain? As a chance to recharge in solitude. As an opportunity to turn pain into a meditation.
What causes relapse? Frustration. What is frustration? Bottled emotion/unfelt feelings. What emotions? Anger, loneliness, and fear.
What situations cause these feelings? Only by accepting and dealing with these situations, will the frustration be fully and permanently relieved.
Bed left unmade. Dirty laundry. Disorganization. Homework left undone. Insufficient practice. Overthinking future. Dirty dishes. Bad smells. Bad hygiene. Morning wood. Sexual tension. Backstabbing friends. Financial insecurity. Boredom.
My true self is interested in self improvement as well as peer development. He is deliberate, light hearted, physically strong and romantic.
He can adapt to any situation necessary. He can create and express himself with music. My true self is a leader.
I've not gone so long without edging It's a completely different experience Only 3 days and I've moved through more emotion than in 2 weeks.
