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Post published by The Wrestler
I have a series of questions about intimacy with my girlfriend I am hoping some relationship veterans can help me with.
The questions are not PG, so if you are just starting out in your nofap journey, STOP READING HERE. You're doing great being on this site, don't ruin it now.
Again, my questions are around levels of physical intimacy with my girlfriend, and someone is going to reply "just don't," and I have a problem with that for two reasons. First, why "just don't?" What are the thoughts, logic, or experience that provoke you to non-action? What makes it a valid option or consideration? And second, I don't think "just don't" is a practical option for the vast majority of the population.
Recently, I have been trying to shift my internal dialogue from "where do I draw the line?" to "does this draw me closer to my girlfriend and to God?" I have made this shift because the former is essentially asking "what can I get away with?" - an unproductive and potentially dangerous mindset - and the latter is much more constructive.
So here lies the questioning: what draws me closer to my girlfriend and to God? When talking about physical intimacy, what can I do - what can we do - that is not destructive to our relationship. Because we want to run our hands all over each other, we want me to touch her breasts, she wants to masturbate me and be masturbated by me, and I her. But does this bring us closer, or drive us apart?
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Caped Crusader
Agreed. When I was engaged to my wife, I had to have a talk with her because she didn't realize the effect that snuggling and kissing had on me.
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Caped Crusader
We were both getting a bit too frisky with one another and I finally drew the line. After that, we only held hands and gave one another a light kiss when we left one another.
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Caped Crusader
When we got married, we were both virgins and had an awesome honeymoon and have had an awesome sex life spanning 27 years of marriage.
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The Wrestler
@Greyborne Where? This is what I hate about summative blanket declarations - where is your proof? Show me your thinking!
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The Wrestler
I know the act of sex is something that would drive us apart (actually, just tear me apart). And still, touch is my primary love language. What actions or behaviours drive connections? What model or experience or research or what backs that up?
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Greyborne
@The Wrestler David and Bathsheba, Samson and Delilah, and Solomon and his "wives" are just a few of the examples where the Bible explicitly says that it was wrong.
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Greyborne
@The Wrestler Also, Deuteronomy 22 describes the law for sleeping with someone you're not married to.
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Greyborne
@The Wrestler Further, when the adulteress was brought before Jesus, He did forgive (just like He does everyone) but he made of point of telling her to stop her current lifestyle.
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Greyborne
@The Wrestler If you do a quick Google search, you can find secular scientific studies showing that people who are intimate before they get married are more likely to divorce. It's just the way it works.
Caped Crusader likes this.
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sherlock holmes
I have a simple suggestion. Pray with her. There is nothing more revealing about a man, particularly a Christian man, than what he chooses to say directly to God. That is one of the easiest ways to grow closer both to God and her.
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sherlock holmes
Additionally, as a man, you have a responsibility to lead her spiritually. If you do not control the level of intimacy, you are failing as a leader. Man up and draw the line; if she is the right girl for you, she will follow.
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