Post published by SickMexican

Hello brothers and sisters!!! Hope everyone's doing great so far. I'm doing kinda good. Just trying to stay strong and clean. Just had a new calling on my ward and I've been clean of masturbating for some time. A couple of days ago i was just kinda touching and think I eyaculated without even noticing...it was like...an accident, I feel like that, like I hit myself against something above my head...was completely weird...not to justify myself, but I think I was completely careless...so I dont know. I have a question, do you think I should talk about this/confess to my bishop?! Bad is bad, as simple as that, thing is, I really feel like I just had an accident...never felt like this before, so, I just want to keep alert and train to control even more my anxiety or my feelings.
I've been trying to learn patience and self control for the last months and I think I've been doing ok, except for this unfortunate incident...other than that, no porn at all which makes me really happy. I can even look women or other people in the streets without any dirty thought or something, but I have come to realize that anything can go to dump in a second if you are not aware, so please guys, learn from me and do not let anything bad filter through your heads ok?!?!?!

I'm really trying to be the best I can and even wth my mistakes, I feel like I'm going in the right direction. I'm actually in love with a fantastic girl and I wish I could marry her. I don't know if this recent mistake is gonna affect that or even ruin my dreams and goals with her. She's got a 2 year old little kid, he's adorable and she's in the process of divorce, she only needs to get the signe document by a judge to make it official and since her kid's father is now in jail, she might even get the kid's full custody which I think would be great for her, that guy is just a real fool, but anyway, not gonna judge since I also make mistakes too. Just want her to be happy and, I dont know if I'm being selfish but, I hope she can get that divorce thing soon. I asked her out before but her parents told her she must not do that now, not yet since she's still tecnically married...so she told me that, and she said that she needs to clean up her mess, she's not ready to go on and move through life like nothing happened and I respect that. I want to do things ok and in the best way, the Godly way with her, and she says she can't make anymore mistakes so, I guess I have to wait, and I will...I really love her and wouldn't do it any other way.

Thing is that every day is a torture without her. I just see her 2 days a week, since she's teaching me how to play piano. I had prepared some thing like this movie: "Love actually", have you guys seen it? Well, if you have, there is this part where this dude makes signs in front of this girl's place and he writes on these signs that no matter time or anything, she's perfect for him and he'll always love her. I was thinking on doing soemthing like that for her two Saturdays from now...but I don't know...I thought I could just asked her to be my date in this coming Valentines but, since our last talk, I still want to do this thing but maybe change the message...

I'm not the most self controlled or patient person in the world but, I think she's worth the wait and worth the whole world, I really love her and just want her to know how precious and valuable she is for me, I want to make her feel how blessed I am for her in my life and how bright is the light of her precious spirit for me, I just want to live to make her happy, and be happy myself like that but, sometimes i don't know how to do it. I guess that is the reason I feel kinda desperate or frustrated sometimes, and maybe that is why I got careless and had this "accident" I was telling you about.

That being said, please guys, if you have read this, let me know your thought please. What should I do?! Any advice, counsel, tip, secret, personal experience you can share? I'd really appreciate it. It is hard to do it alone and I've cried like crazy sometimes because of this uncertain situation and, sometimes I feel I might lose my chances because of my mistakes. I'm really trying to stay clean, to keep praying, even fasting for her wellness, her progress and happiness and truth be told, I just want to have my happy ending too, my fairy tale or my dream come true with her you know?! I ask God every day to guide me so I can know how to make her feel happy, how to be the man He knows I can be, that I want to be, and the man that can complete her and make her happy, that is my only wish and if my faith is enough, maybe I'll find this happiness with her some day. I told her that when the time comes, I want her to let me take her out on a date and see what we can become together. If she accepts to wal the path to eternal Life and marriage with me, I'll be tha happiest man ever was, is and will be, I promise.

Thanks for taking time to read my thoughts and feelings, I know its really long but i feel good sharing my stuff with my brethren. If there is also any way I can help you guys too, please message me and let me know, it will be my honor to do so.

Thank you again. Have a great day everyone!!!