Post published by Dubiousfiancee

Hi. I see, so he doesn't find it easy to talk and may not be very creative in tackling his problems.

But it sounds like you're quite open minded. I'm surprised you offered to watch porn with him. I think that's great. So you're not completely against porn. So what is it that bothers you so much about his habit?

I tried giving up porn, masturbation and orgasm all at one and if was very very difficult and created new problems I think. I think a more gradual process could be helpful. At the moment I've given up porn but not masturbation.

I'm trying to limit masturbation and do it differently. I'm also doing other things to try to understand my libido better and relate to it in a different way.

I think the focus needs to be on the negative consequences of the addictive behaviour and taking steps to reduce those. Addictive behaviour is compulsive and removing compulsive behaviour completely may not be possible.

Skillful moderation is key I think. Easier said than done!

@Zyn. I am not against porn (only against some abuse, most commonly against women, in the industry), not against masturbation. But I am against the consequences of porn when it becomes an addiction.

I am against being with someone that finds no interest in real life sex, someone who lies repeatedly about what he does, when and where, etc. etc. How am I meant to trust him and be fulfilled?

Mind you, had I fully grasped the consequences of porn and addiction, I would not have offered to watch that together - it would not have helped him. Somewhat glad he turned the offer down. I wish he could simply agree to stop, forever.

But rememberthat here, as in so many other areas of life, you tend to get what you bargain for.
as a young woman who disregard yourpotential mate’s struggles withpornography, think again.

If you want a vital, healthy marriage, choose only individuals of integrity as potential mates. If, on the other hand, you’re relatively unconcerned about issues like infidelity, feel free to lower the bar.

A situation like this is marital misery in the making. Unless your boyfriend is ready to getserious about dealing with his problem, it’s time to put on the brakes. Marriage will not fix the problem. It will only complicate matters and increase your pain

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...could-do-it-all-over.96161/page-3#post-936002

Check out this thread... even PAs wouldn't have married. I don't think a single person would have knowing porn was present

Hopefully he can get the help he needs and you two can move forward but it He is not willing to then it's pretty much an emotional death sentence

Sorry to be so matter of fact but it is a very serious issue that you should not allow him to ignore before he says I do

@Eve26 - again, thank you. I very much value your opinion, and deep down agree with you, should wait for him to be steadily in recovery before considering marrying him.

I don't want to give up on him as he genuinely is a great guy, and I love him. We have talked about what he'd be ready to do to enter recovery. Sadly he refuses to enter therapy of any sort - he's only keen on blocking all porn and do some mindfulness.

I believe both are helpful, but insufficient to properly tackle the addiction. As a result, I am more firmly considering the wedding.

You say it'd be an emotional death sentence, and I sense it. I don't think I'd cope if I had to tell myself that I knew the pain, yet agreed to it...